Here's how it worked 25 years ago, my final season of playing high school football: The coach

was right even when he was wrong. For the most part, players kept their ears opened and mouths

closed and did what they were told. Parents cheered for their kids and kept complaints to

themselves.

The school didn't conduct mandatory coach-parent meetings because the kids knew the score.

They knew what was expected on the field, in the classroom and in the community. Parents gave

coaches the benefit of the doubt even when they disagreed. If I grumbled about the coach, my

father would have laughed in my face and bawled me out worse than any coach.

Too often, here's the deal these days: The coach doesn't have a clue. If he did, genius

players wouldn't have a reason to whine to their all-knowing parents. But rather than support

the coach and teach the kid a life lesson, they scold the coach before filing a complaint with

the athletic director, the superintendent or the school board.

No, I'm not kidding.

Every year, from lifelong friends and acquaintances in sports circles, I hear more stories

about overprotective parents intruding on their kids' so-called careers at the high school

level and getting into battles with coaches over playing time and strategy. It has become so

prevalent in recent years that certain parents believe it's an accepted course of action to

gain satisfaction.

Apparently, they lost sight of who makes coaching decisions. FYI: It's the coach.

It doesn't matter that Mom and Dad are humiliating themselves and their kids or that their

incessant whining is counterproductive to their goal or that they're usually dismissed as

wacko sports parents the second they walk out the door. They keep coming because they disagree

with the coach or — brace yourselves — the coach yelled at their kid.

If this is you, good heavens, get some help.

High school football opens this weekend, kicking off the fall sports season. Please, I'm

begging people to back off so the coach can coach, the kids can play and enjoy a positive

experience. Unless it's a safety issue, the only time parents should speak to coaches about

anything related to the game is when they thank them after the season.

How the culture of high school sports was turned upside down and inside out over the years is

a mystery. Where parents get the audacity to march into school thinking they know more about

the inner workings of teams, when coaches are there every day, is maddening. And how it ever

reached this point is frightening.

Will there come a time when University at Buffalo basketball coach Reggie Witherspoon gets a

voicemail at halftime from some irate benchwarmer's parent? Will Sabres coach Lindy Ruff get

an earful from a fourth-liner's grandmother because he wasn't utilized on the power play or

Dick Jauron hear from the mother of a backup linebacker?

"It's ridiculous, and we have a nation of soft kids because of it," former high school

football coach Dan Elvin said. "How smart are you when you do that? Good God, what kind of

parents are you? Think about what you're doing with these kids and the way you're trying to

raise these kids, with no respect for authority. The kids are just soft — plain old soft

with the capital "S.'"

Elvin, tough and outspoken, was a terrific coach who had a 123-46-3 record and won six

sectional titles. He spent seven years at Dunkirk and 10 more at Orchard Park before turning a

winless Lake Shore program around in short order in the 1990s. The Eagles played for a Section

VI title one year, a state championship the next and the playoffs the following year. He

resigned after his third season, in part because he couldn't stomach the parents. He retired

from teaching and is now a volunteer coach for a small private school in Florida.

"It's a different world, my friend," he said. "It's a different world."

You want, um, different?

A few weeks ago, Orchard Park High football and lacrosse coach Gene Tundo was awarded $50,000

in a settlement after taking so much abuse from a parent.

Keith Maderer admitted that he wrote anonymous threatening letters to Tundo and his family. It

included posing as a lawyer and a high school girl, claiming he would expose Tundo for having

inappropriate conversations with a student. It was all false, of course, but he didn't let

that get in the way if it meant making Tundo miserable.

Never mind that Tundo's son Jeff helped his team to a state football championship and earned a

full scholarship to play lacrosse at Ohio State. Or that Gene Tundo is one of the area's most

respected coaches in two sports. He's known for winning the right way and holding himself and

his players to a high standard.

His reward for nothing but success was nothing but grief for two years. He was so upset that

he moved his family from Orchard Park to Fredonia.

"It's an unfortunate situation for all parties," Orchard Park Athletic Director Jim Higgins

said. "It was poor communication, not understanding, hard feelings, etc. It was people not

asking the questions and having things build up. It's a shame."

Understand, most parents never cause a problem. But numerous coaches and administrators in

recent weeks insisted that the ugly minority, usually found at the youth levels years ago, has

reached high school. Many wanted to remain anonymous because they didn't want to bring

negative publicity to their schools or expose certain kids, but almost everyone has a story

about a conflict with parents.

Fathers charging up to coaches after games. Mothers moaning to principals about playing time.

Parents claiming that their tax money entitles their kid to a place on the team and equal

playing time. Tearing down other players to build up their own kids. Spreading fictional

rumors about coaches.

"You could make up a story that you think is bad," one ECIC baseball coach said, "and I'm

telling you there are things that happened that are 100 times worse."

Tell me, please, who are the parents and who are the kids?

The kids aren't usually the problem. They know where they stack up because they practice every

day. They can see which players are better. They know who's paying attention in meetings,

who's working hard on the field and who's staying out of trouble.

Many parents who don't have an inkling make assumptions based on what their kids tell them, as

if their innocent teenage superstar would never exaggerate the facts or fail to acknowledge

their shortcomings. Parents show up at games, see the kid sitting on the bench and draw the

classic "my kid is getting screwed" conclusion.

"What I think is happening is that parents spend so much time outside the home that this is

their way of showing love for the kid," Elvin said. "We want to boost their self-esteem.

Instead of them earning self-esteem, we give it to them. We say, "Honey, you're a good player.

You should be playing. It's unfair. Go talk to the coach.' It's absolutely asinine."

Folks, wake up.

The varsity isn't the Grasshopper House League, where everybody receives equal playing time

while learning the game and playing for fun. In high school, the best players are given the

most playing time. Decisions are based on many factors that parents don't understand. Parents

aren't entitled to an explanation.

Sometimes, coaches are experimenting. They could be trying to send a message related to

players goofing off in practice. Or it could very well be that your kid, your youth league

superstar, your Little Johnny, isn't all that talented as an adolescent.

It happens. That's life. You might disagree, but remember the good old days when ...

The coach was always right.

"We make our coaches have parent meetings before the season," West Seneca Athletic Director

Timm Slade said. "Part of it is about playing time and making the team, so our coaches can

share their philosophy. It's about how they're going to discuss it, if they're going to

discuss it, so we can nip it in the bud. It doesn't always work."