The Buffalo News - Life and Arts Columns http://www.buffalonews.com Latest stories from The Buffalo News en-us Sat, 25 May 2013 13:03:55 -0400 Sat, 25 May 2013 13:03:55 -0400 <![CDATA[ Robert Redford revisits Watergate for the Discovery Channel ]]> http://www.buffalonews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130420/LIFE/130429922/1202
When the Discovery Channel approached the man who had played Washington Post reporter Bob Woodward in “All the President’s Men” about doing a film to commemorate the scandal’s sort-of anniversary – it’s been almost 41 years since the break-in and not quite 39 since Richard Nixon’s resignation – “my first reaction was, ‘No, leave it alone. That’s what it was then. You know, times move on,’ ” the actor/ director said in a phone interview.

But Discovery was persistent.

“And then I thought about it, and I said, ‘No, wait a minute. It’s far enough back now that it’s a piece of American history, and maybe if you revisit that, there might be something to [show] the younger, or newer, generation, who may not even know about it,” said the 76-year-old actor and director, whose latest movie, “The Company You Keep,” is in theaters now.

Chances are, he’s right. Because though “gate” has been attached to dozens of more forgettable scandals, from “Nannygate” to “Nipplegate,” one thing that comes through in Discovery’s “All the President’s Men Revisited,” airing at 8 p.m. Sunday, is that the big daddy of them all – named after the building where the break-in to Democratic headquarters occurred – took place in a very different Washington, D.C.

And a very long time ago.

So long ago, in fact, that Redford in the film recalls watching the 1973 Watergate hearings in the Senate during breaks on the set of “The Great Gatsby.” MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow, who, along with “Daily Show” host Jon Stewart, helps lower the median age of the talking heads in “Revisited,” was a newborn when the Senate hearings convened and speaks about how her mother basically fed her and watched Watergate.

Redford’s interest in the scandal, though, predated U.S. Sen. Howard Baker’s famous question, “What did the president know and when did he know it?”

“When I got involved in the story, it was only about two weeks after the actual break-in,” Redford said. “A lot of people don’t know that. … I was already focused on that issue because it looked like a story that went away real quick.” He thought that there was more to it, “and therefore when the two names [of Carl Bernstein and Bob Woodward] started to appear, I was already focused [on whether] this thing was going to completely go away.

“You knew, your gut told you, that there was something more ... and so I started to focus on these two guys all through that summer [of 1972], and then when it exploded into a major deal, I thought, ‘Well, this would be an interesting little black-and-white film that I could produce with two unknown actors.’”

Woodward and Bernstein, caught up in a little story of their own, didn’t make it easy.

It “took a while, because they never returned my call,” Redford said. “Woodward thought it was a setup, they knew they were under surveillance. And he apologized later, ‘Well, I didn’t think you were you.’

In the end, it would take four years to bring “All the President’s Men” to the screen – in color – with not-exactly-unknowns Redford and Dustin Hoffman playing Woodward and Bernstein.

“Carl was so colorful and, you know, Dustin was maybe going to have an easier time of it because … there were all these things he could play with,” Redford said of Bernstein, who would go on to be immortalized again – pseudonymously – in ex-wife Nora Ephron’s book and film “Heartburn.”

“You could almost see that coming at the time,” Redford said, laughing.

But while Bernstein was clearly a character, Redford couldn’t get a handle on Woodward.

“I said, ‘Bob, you come off as kind of dull.’ And he said, ‘Well, that’s how I am.’

“And I said, ‘Oh, come on.’

“And he said, ‘No, no. I’m really not that interesting.’

“And I said, ‘Bob! I’ve got to play you. I’ve got to find something.’ And we talked and talked and he kept trying to put it off by saying, ‘No, Carl’s the more interesting one.’

“And I said, ‘Well, this has to be equal. I have to find something in you.’ And slowly but surely, I found what it was in Woodward, and that was his doggedness, his focus,” Redford said.

“He told me a story that was really wonderful,” about taking a two-day test at Yale for which he hadn’t studied.

The first day, Woodward “sort of winged it” and was sure he’d done poorly. So before the second day, he studied, and felt he’d “sailed through,” Redford said, only to discover, when the results came back, that the results were the opposite of what he’d thought.

Woodward’s conclusion?

“I realized at that time that I didn’t know what good work was, and that I was just going to have to work harder and harder and harder,” he told Redford. ]]> Fri, 19 Apr 2013 17:02:11 -0400 By Ellen Gray

Philadelphia Daily News

]]> <![CDATA[ John Rosemond: Let kids start school on a normal schedule ]]> http://www.buffalonews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130525/REFRESH/130529492/1202


A: The practice of postponing kindergarten for so-called “late birthday” children – generally defined as children having birthdays after May – got its start about 20 years ago and has generated the usual unintended consequences. Prime among those is the fact that by delaying the start of school for children having birthdays after May, schools only create a new crop of children with late birthdays – those occurring after January.

It’s true that during early elementary school, boys are less mature in several respects than girls. In general, their attention spans tend to be shorter. Therefore, they’re more impulsive and more easily distracted. It’s also true, however, that some children, boys as well as girls, experience developmental “spurts” during kindergarten. The slightly immature, impulsive 5-year-old may be at the norm one year later.

As a result of this rather uniform recommendation, a disproportionate number of late-birthday children are given test batteries to further determine their readiness for school. The fact is, however, that the predictive reliability of IQ tests and other measures of ability is questionable with children this young. And when such tests are off the mark with a given child, they tend to be lower rather than higher.

The late-birthday recommendation is also influenced by the test score mania that currently grips American schools, public and private. Giving close to 20 percent of children an extra year of preschool is bound to raise overall test performance during the early elementary school years.

For a number of reasons, classroom discipline has relaxed considerably since the 1960s. This has unharnessed the impulsivity and distractibility of boys, especially. I have to believe that this contributes significantly to the fact that disproportionate numbers of boys are diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder during early elementary school. If the hypothesis is true, then some kids are being medicated primarily because school discipline isn’t what it used to be. Holding late-birthday kids back a year may mitigate this problem somewhat, but it fails to address the larger issue.

My general feeling is that if a child’s birthday allows him to attend school, and the child doesn’t have obvious developmental delays, then he should attend school. If at the end of that school year, his teacher recommends an additional year in kindergarten, then leave him in kindergarten. One of my grandchildren spent two years in kindergarten and he’s now a nearly straight-A student in high school. That second year gave him lots of confidence he wouldn’t have obtained by spending another year in preschool.



North Carolina family psychologist John Rosemond answers parents’ questions on his website at www.rosemond.com. ]]> Fri, 24 May 2013 16:54:56 -0400 <![CDATA[ People’s Pharmacy: Acupuncture and blood pressure ]]> http://www.buffalonews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130525/REFRESH/130529496/1202
Immediately after the procedure I felt no better, but by the third day, when I got out of bed I felt like I had risen from the dead. It has been more than a week, and I still feel better than I have in years. I do not know how much this improvement is due to acupuncture, but I am grateful.



A. Acupuncture is most often used to help people cope with pain, but one study of 32 people found that acupuncture lowered blood pressure significantly from baseline (Acupuncture and Electro-Therapeutics Research, Vol. 37, No. 4, 2012). Nitric-oxide levels in the blood also increased. Nitric oxide relaxes blood vessels and helps lower blood pressure.

This study is preliminary, small and not placebo-controlled. Still, it’s an interesting finding. We are glad you got benefit. You may need to continue with acupuncture sessions to keep your blood pressure under control. A single treatment of any sort does not reverse hypertension.

You might want to explore other natural approaches to lowering blood pressure, such as beet or grape juice. We are sending you our Guide to Blood Pressure Treatment for a discussion of many of these tactics and medications. Anyone who would like a copy, please send $3 to Graedons’ People’s Pharmacy, Dept. B-67, P.O. Box 52027, Durham, NC 27717-2027. It also can be downloaded for $2 from www.peoplespharmacy.com.

...

Q. My father grew up on a small island in Norway in the 1940s. In winter, the teacher in their one-room schoolhouse gave each child a tablespoon of cod liver oil daily.

When I was growing up in Ohio, my dad made me take a tablespoon of cod liver oil every winter day. Why mess with tradition? I was mad when I found out cod liver oil comes in easy-to-swallow capsules.



A. Cod liver oil is rich in omega-3 fats and vitamins D and A. Evidence suggests that it bolsters immune function.

...

Q. I bought a bottle of herbal sleep medicine. The reviews say this product does help people sleep.

I wonder, though, if these pills are safe to take and not habit-forming? The three main ingredients are fresh flowering California poppy, valerian root and passionflower. Isn’t poppy the plant that opium and other narcotics are made from?



A. Although California poppies are in the same family as the opium poppy, the plant contains a different set of chemicals. The California poppy has a reputation as a mild sedative. Probably most of the power of this herbal sleep medicine is from the valerian root, which has been shown to help people get to sleep faster. ]]> Fri, 24 May 2013 16:54:39 -0400 <![CDATA[ From hair to 'Home,' annoying TV ]]> http://www.buffalonews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130525/LIFE/130529512/1202 Right about now, another season of one of my favorite series, Larry David's “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” usually premieres on HBO.

Unfortunately, David is taking at least this year off. I really will miss the insanity of “Curb.”

That's because I have a lot of Larry David in me. I get easily annoyed. I'm also told that I can be as annoying as Larry David at times. And that's by people who love me.

How annoying can I be? I'm the guy who tells people talking at a movie to go to the lobby if they want to talk. If they are texting, I ask them if they didn't see the short announcement telling them to shut the darn thing off. If someone smokes inside Ralph Wilson Stadium, I call out the militia.

I also get irritated when someone is in the 7 Items or Less line at a supermarket when they have 25 items or more. I wish the checkout person would ask the customer if they can count to seven, but I've been told they're not allowed to ask. So sometimes I blurt it out myself in honor of Larry David.

You get the point. But I really, really get annoyed at some things I see and hear on and about TV. So in honor of David, I've compiled a list of TV annoyances. The “HUGE” guy doesn't make it because he is a given. Same with the “I'll buy it” commercial and the “Text 8” commercial.

You can add to my list if you want to make this participatory journalism.

Local station disputes with Time Warner: Can't they just get along? In a rerun of 2008, the owner of Channel 4 and Channel 23 is telling viewers that the stations won't be on TWC if a new deal to carry them isn't made before 5 p.m. Friday. TWC probably is as popular as cicadas or Tom Brady here, but subscribers should root for it because the more it pays the more your cable bill will increase. For more on this tiresome, annoying issue, please read my Thursday blog.

Long weather reports: If we really needed four-minute weather reports on newscasts, then why can many of the local meteorologists tell what it is going to be like outside in 30 seconds when they moonlight and give forecasts for radio stations? I wish the meteorologists would pretend they are on radio when they do their TV forecasts.

Network promos: ABC told me that I wouldn't dare miss the final five minutes of “Scandal” or the world would end. So I watched and learned the guy played by Joe Morton who wanted to kill series lead Olivia Pope (Kerry Washington) this season is her father. I don't really blame him even if she is beautiful.

Thank you, thank you, thank you: Anchors routinely thank reporters for delivering stories. It is their job. No one thanks me when I write a column or blog. Usually, I'm lucky if they don't throw something at me.

Odd start and finish show times: “Mad Men” typically runs from 10 to 11:04 p.m., which enables AMC to sell more commercials but messes up my DVR plans. On the other hand, “Mad Men” has become so strange lately that I'd rather watch the commercials. At least I understand them.

Anti-smoking PSAs at dinner: I have a love and hate relationship with these PSAs. I hate smoking more than anyone so I appreciate the message. But even I can't stomach these PSAs when they air at dinnertime and show what a horrible death lung cancer can be. I'm not sure how effective they can be since so many people change the channel as soon as the guy in the PSAs starts coughing uncontrollably.

Nobody investigates like News 4: The slogan really should be “nobody exaggerates more about investigations than News 4.” If Channel 4 did investigations so well, then it wouldn't be so desperate to find another investigative reporter.

“Mad Men” hairdos: I try to steer away from judging the looks, clothes and hairstyles of local anchors and reporters. But sometimes I think some of Channel 7's younger female reporters have so much hair that they wouldn't look out of place on “Mad Men” in the 1960s. It can be distracting.

No “Modern Family” on demand: I often forget to DVR it, which is a big mistake since the comedy hit is one of the few ABC shows that isn't carried On Demand. I've been unable to discover why, but usually the answer concerns money. TWC has told me ABC decides what goes On Demand. “Modern Family” isn't in syndication yet, so perhaps that's why it isn't On Demand. Or perhaps ABC believes it can get better rerun ratings if it keeps it off On Demand. Whatever the reason, it's a modern headache.

“This Is Home”: I really liked Channel 2's upbeat theme music when it started. But it seems to be played more than Taylor Swift songs on radio now and that spells “trouble, trouble” for me now. A little respite from the tune might make me fall in love with it again.

Bill Cowher's Time Warner Cable ad: Forget the fact that Cowher is a Pittsburgh coaching legend and apparently turned down a chance to coach the Bills. The ad for the local cable company in which he tries to coach cable workers is painfully unfunny.

2 on Your Side: A clever reader has nicknamed Channel 2's in-your-face news slogan as “2 on Your Nerves.” I wish I had thought of that.

CBLT isn't in HD: I'm not a big Mike Emrick fan so I would occasionally like to watch CBC's coverage of the Stanley Cup playoffs. Unfortunately, it isn't carried in high definition on TWC, which makes NBC and NBC Sports Network must-see TV. And Emrick's ability to tell viewers where every player was born gets more than a little annoying at times.

The last check of the weather: Do we really need the meteorologists to remind us what the weather is going to be like tomorrow at the end of newscasts, five minutes after they give their weather report? I know attention spans are short these days, but that's ridiculous.

Maybe David can deal with that when he gets around to writing another “Curb” episode.

TV traffic reports: If I'm watching TV, I'm not in traffic. And there isn't much traffic around here at 6:30 a.m. anyway. That's part of the reason “This Is Home” for so many of us. We love the civilized nature of commuting here.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for reading.



email: apergament@buffnews.com
]]> Fri, 24 May 2013 16:52:28 -0400 Alan Pergament
]]> <![CDATA[ Love never faileth, and other lessons from mom ]]> http://www.buffalonews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130525/CITYANDREGION03/130529513/1202
L. wrote: I think the most important lesson my mother instilled in me was the value of a good work ethic. If you’re going to take the time to do something, do it right. To this day, she approaches life this way. And besides, you shouldn’t argue with a 91-year-old, if you’re smart.

S. wrote: Mom never said an unkind word to anyone. She was devoted to her family and survived the loss of two children, and more than one grandchild, without losing faith or becoming bitter. I was visiting one day and watched my parents doing the dishes together and laughing over something small and silly. At the time, I realized that the secret to a long and happy marriage is to do things together and share lots of laughter. One day, Mom was at my house, with my orange tiger cat happily curled up in her lap, purring. I commented to her how lucky I was to have such good pets. Her reply (despite the severity of her dementia at that time) was, “Pets are like children. If you give them a lot of attention, they develop to their full potential.” My parents had a plaque hanging near their front door that said, “Love never faileth.” It now hangs near my front door. I cried on Mother’s Day because I missed my mom. There was some sadness in the tears, but also happiness for the special person she was and all that she taught me.

J. wrote: It was 1943. Two of my older brothers were in the Army. I had just turned l6 and my friend talked me into hiring out with the New York, New Haven and Hartford Railroad. When I asked my mother for permission, she said I had to pay board of $10 dollars a week to her. I was only making $40 at the time! Eventually, I found my future wife and made plans to get married. At the wedding, my mother presented me with a bankbook with all my board monies intact. She told me if she hadn’t done this, it would have been spent foolishly. This taught me a good lesson. P.S.: I retired from the railroad in 1989 after 46 years of service.

L. wrote: I haven’t enjoyed Mother’s Day in the last five years due to the fact that my mom has passed away. I should still celebrate this holiday in my own way, though, and you made me think about what she taught me. Her most important lesson was to be nonjudgmental and to have patience with everyone. I recall this lesson almost daily. I’ve worked in the service industry and now work behind a pharmacy counter, where I meet a lot of people in need. Some are elderly and just need help swiping their credit card, while others have mental illness. Some people I work with are bothered and annoyed by these people, but I take joy in them and happily help with whatever they need. Recently, an older, mentally diminished woman was so grateful for my help that she gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me she “loved” me. When things like this happen, or even when people simply thank me for helping, I remember that I’m doing exactly what my mom would have done, and what she would want me to do in such a situation. Thanks for helping me recall such lessons in honor of Mother’s Day!

From F.: Aside from all of the “Emily-isms” left to me by my wonderful mother, which I repeat daily, the greatest thing she taught me was not to lament over the things I don’t have, but to look at what I do have and be happy.

From M.: Mom taught me, “Remember what you say and do reflects on our family” and also, “When you think you’re bad off, take a look around you and you’ll see there are others worse off than you.”

L. from Ocala, Fla., wrote: Mom’s best advice to me was: “Don’t lie. If you tell one lie, it will become necessary to tell 10 more to get out of it.” ]]> Fri, 24 May 2013 16:52:05 -0400 <![CDATA[ Car Talk: Alignment will tell you of any frame damage ]]> http://www.buffalonews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130525/CITYANDREGION03/130529514/1202 Dear Tom and Ray: My wife Olivia’s first car (in the early ’70s) was a purple-sparkle dune buggy built on a VW Bug frame – one of the least safe but coolest cars ever.

As we have grown older, she has pined for her dune buggy, so last year I bought her a safer facsimile: a bright-red Honda Fit. She LOVES it, and so do I.

Here’s the catch: About three months after we got the car, a 20-something boy who was fiddling with the CD player in his very large minivan rear-ended her at a stoplight, pushing her “red dune buggy” into a much larger Jeep 4x4. Our car was pretty smashed up in the front and rear. She was able to drive it home (even though the air bag had deployed), and we had all the front- and rear-end damage repaired (at a cost to the insurance company of nearly $8,000).

My question is this: Do you guys think this car should be OK after this accident? The repairs were largely cosmetic (bumpers, headlight, hood, rear hatchback), besides replacing the restraint system. The car looks and drives fine.

Please tell me Olivia’s beloved “red dune buggy” should be fine, so I don’t have to talk to any more insurance agents. – Donald



Ray: It should be fine, Donald. It obviously took a serious hit if the air bag deployed. But I trust that the insurance company did its due diligence and concluded that it wouldn’t be wasting $8,000 if this thing were fixed.

Tom: The primary concern I would have had is whether the frame got bent. But I assume the insurance company checked that and found it to be OK.

Ray: If you want to confirm this for yourself, take the car to a place that does wheel alignments, and ask for a four-wheel alignment.

Tom: If the frame is bent, they will not be able to align all four wheels. So if they tell you your alignment’s fine, that tells you your frame is fine, too.

Ray: It’s always possible that with a serious collision, there’s undetected damage: wires that got pinched, or mechanical damage that only pops up later.

But if the insurance company didn’t total the car, if it now looks and drives fine and if you can align the wheels, I’d say don’t worry about it, and let your wife enjoy her ride.

Tom: And by the way, you’re very lucky to have a wife who’s so easy to please. She wants a dune buggy, you give her a Honda Fit, and she says, “Okey-dokey!”

Ray: My brother’s just jealous, Donald. He tried, unsuccessfully, to convince his wife that the ’78 Fiat he gave her was a Cadillac. Of course, that was two wives and four Fiats ago.

...

Bumps and potholes do more than merely annoy drivers. Find out what, and how you can ease the pain, by ordering Tom and Ray’s pamphlet “Ten Ways You May Be Ruining Your Car Without Even Knowing It!” Send $4.75 (check or money order) to Ruin, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475.



Get more Click and Clack in their new book, “Ask Click and Clack: Answers from Car Talk.” Got a question about cars? Write to Click and Clack by visiting the Car Talk Web site at www.cartalk.com. ]]> Fri, 24 May 2013 16:51:26 -0400 <![CDATA[ Lisa McLeod: Why compromise never works (and what to do instead) ]]> http://www.buffalonews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130525/CITYANDREGION03/130529515/1202
We’ve long been told that “good” people meet in the middle.

Refusal to compromise is widely considered to be the root cause of political polarization, business battles and divorce wars.

But refusal to compromise isn’t actually the cause of these problems. It’s merely a symptom. The real problem, the root problem, is unwillingness to tolerate uncertainty.

Our collective unwillingness to tolerate uncertainty stifles creativity and it dumbs down every institution from business to marriage.

There are two components:

1. Overattachment to the literal

2. Inability to articulate the conceptual

Overattachment to the literal causes people to dumb down their agenda. It blinds them to creative options.

The inability to articulate the conceptual keeps people from understanding where the other side is coming from. It prevents them from giving voice to a common purpose.

For example, imagine a couple arguing about whether or not they can afford to send their son to a private college.

The wife says, “We should take out a second mortgage or use our retirement funds.” The husband says, “No way, a state school is fine.”

They’re both stuck on what they believe to be the best plan. They’re arguing over literal options.

Yet here’s what can happen if one person reframes the conversation from the literal to the conceptual. Imagine the husband saying, “What I really want is for our son to get a great education, and for us to enjoy our retirement.”

Now the conversation is about ideals and aspirations. Instead of arguing about specific yes or no options, the couple is more likely to talk about their hopes and dreams, for their son and for themselves. The conversation feels different because it is different.

They’ve begun using different neural pathways in their brains. They’re likely feeling more creative. Letting go of their attachment to their fixed plans, at least momentarily, enables them to explore new options. Articulating voice to their larger more conceptual goals enables them to find a common purpose.

It’s a two-step process, let go of the literal; reframe around the conceptual. You don’t know where the final solution will come from, and that’s exactly the point.

Traditional compromise shortchanges both sides because it’s based on a literal straight-line model. You give me this; I’ll give you that. I’m on the right side of the line; you’re on the left. We’ll meet in the middle.

It sounds good in theory. But it doesn’t work because it keeps you stuck in the land of the known. Nothing new is produced, and both sides walk away with less than they desire.

Great solutions aren’t found in the middle ground; they’re discovered when people have the courage to pursue higher ground.

Instead of a straight line, think of it like a triangle. The lower left and lower right corners represent where you are today. The top, the apex, represents where you want to go.

The middle of the triangle, the space between the lines, is fraught with uncertainty. It’s where the messy work of collaboration is done.

Einstein famously said, “We will not solve the problems of today with the level of thinking that created them.

You don’t create greatness by compromising in the middle ground. You create greatness by having the guts to wade through the unknown. The middle ground is safer, but seeking higher ground is worth the effort. ]]> Fri, 24 May 2013 16:51:24 -0400 <![CDATA[ Zorba Paster: nothing prideful in death by hubris ]]> http://www.buffalonews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130524/REFRESH/130529497/1202
Sweet person. Great personality. Everyone loved him. Good father. The go-to guy when it came to his patients. Always saw them, worked them in even when his day was too full. His medical judgment was exceptional, his work ethic over-the-top.

He was adored by so many of his patients. But he had a blind spot – his own health. He let that fall between the cracks by substituting his own judgment for those of others. He didn’t pay attention when attention must be paid.

Was this denial? Maybe.

I think it was death by hubris.

This ancient Greek concept of hubris is best embodied by Achilles. The greatest warrior of all time, Achilles thought that nothing could stop him and then the enemy discovered his weak spot – his heel. They struck, he died.

Hubris is often thought of as haughtiness, arrogance. For some it is. But for others, it’s just an overconfident pride and overestimation of one’s own ability.

Most with hubris are extremely knowledgeable and competent. They have extreme pride in what they can do, and that shows in their work. But as the proverb goes, “Pride goes before a fall.”

One famous case of death by hubris was Jim Fixx, father of aerobic running. He took Ken Cooper’s concept of running for optimal health and pushed it into national prominence. Jim was 52 when he dropped dead. He ignored the fact that his dad died of a heart attack at 43. He ignored his “minimal” chest pains because he was a runner and runners know their bodies.

He ignored his family and friends’ suggestions that he see someone because he “didn’t look good.” Jim’s autopsy showed 95 percent blockage in the left main stem artery – a blockage we aptly call “the widow maker.”

Then we have that other famous case, a death-defying case – Bill Clinton. He epitomized hubris. Intelligent, confident, the ultimate go-to guy, that over-the-top energy. Extreme pride in what he thought and did. But he too ignored things. He knew better than others.

Lucky for him, the gods gave him a second chance – chest pain he couldn’t ignore. Nearly took his life. He escaped death by hubris by the skin of his teeth.

My spin: If you have overconfident pride, if you know you’re “right” most of the time and stick to your guns, then you might just suffer from hubris.

I have the cure. When your friends, family or colleagues say, “Hey, you need help,” don’t block them out. Call your doctor or even 911.

You might just keep that arrow from striking your Achilles’ heel.



Dr. Zorba Paster is a family physician, university professor, author and broadcast journalist. He also hosts a popular radio call-in program at 3 p.m. Saturdays on WBFO-FM 88.7. ]]> Fri, 24 May 2013 16:54:28 -0400 <![CDATA[ Drs. Oz and Roizen: Remodel your food choices ]]> http://www.buffalonews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130524/REFRESH/130529498/1202 If you’re a cookie fiend, can’t resist meat, cheese or creamy salad dressings, haven’t munched broccoli since 1986 and are not sufferin’ succotash, you may be a super-taster.

A new Stanford University study found that at least 30 percent of us are super-tasters. We dislike bitter flavors and love sweets. And half of STs came into the world that way. The rest? Well, repeat exposure to added sugars, red meat and fatty flavors ruins your ability to appreciate the delicious goodness in veggies, 100 percent whole grains and lean protein.

Super-tasting leads to super-size health problems: Your risk for metabolic syndrome, obesity, diabetes, heart disease and cancer goes way up. And so does the likelihood that you have high blood pressure, an oversize waistline, higher-than-healthy blood sugar levels, low levels of good HDL cholesterol and high triglycerides.

But there’s hope. You can pull a Bob Vila and do a total renovation – on your food choices. You’ll love the results, including the way you feel and look! Here’s how.

• Go for fruit, nuts, dark chocolate (70 percent cacao) – A whopping 31 percent of adults have genetically based cravings for sweets. Turn that to your advantage by redefining dessert. You’ll sidestep empty calories, artery-clogging saturated fat and Food Felon refined sugars and syrups, and get a boost of extra fiber, vitamins, minerals and beneficial plant-based nutrients. Keep your favorite fruits on hand: frozen raspberries and strawberries; fresh bananas, pineapples and seasonal goodies like sun-ripened cherries and mangoes; and canned-in-juice pineapple, mandarin oranges and peaches. Then get super-creative. Grill fresh fruit on skewers. Layer dried cherries and toasted nuts over Greek yogurt. Make a sumptuous, over-the-top fruit salad spiked with mint leaves or a handful of dark-chocolate chips. Serve with green or herbal tea.

• Bring out the sweetness in bitter veggies – Super-tasters are turned off by the strong-tasting compounds in super-healthy broccoli, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower, kale and other cruciferous vegetables. Skipping these super-nutritious goodies can ramp up your risk for colon cancer.

So what can STs do to bring out the sweetness in these important veggies? Try cooking red cabbage in apple juice. Roast the cauliflower with a brushing of extra-virgin olive oil. Pair kale and broccoli with lemon juice and a dusting of Parmesan. Try a drizzle of honey on Brussels sprouts. We love them with grated fresh ginger and garlic.

• Explore more big, meaty flavors – Yup, some of us are born with an outsize taste for meat, too. Getting away from the red stuff is great for your arteries. Make the transition to healthier proteins easy by replacing red meat with foods naturally rich in “umami” – the satisfying, meaty flavor also found in some seafood and veggies. Satisfying your taste for meat this way adds more fiber and nutrients to your diet. Mushrooms (they are packed with vitamin D-3, too), sweet potatoes, carrots and tomatoes with the seeds are overflowing with maximum umami. Add them to soups, stews and chicken, fish and bean dishes. Mix roasted mushrooms and tomatoes with ground skinless turkey for a meaty burger. Or dive into seafood like salmon, ocean trout, cod or mackerel more often. And do make sure you get two to three servings of omega-3-rich salmon and ocean trout a week.

• Go for the good fats – An odd taste-bud glitch means some people’s taste buds overlook the fat in food – so their bodies don’t tell them, “Whoa, you’ve had enough!” That can lead to overeating and weight gain. If you tend to overindulge in ice cream, cheese or creamy salad dressings, that could be you. Your fix? Switch to good fats (and keep an eye on portions). Have salmon instead of red meat, nuts instead of cheese on your salad, use olive oil instead of mayo and creamy dressings.

Give yourself a month of these taste treats, and you’ll renovate your palate. Pure, healthy flavors become more appealing than fatty, sugary ones. Enjoy!



Dr. Mehmet Oz is host of “The Dr. Oz Show” and Dr. Mike Roizen is chairman of the Wellness Institute at Cleveland Clinic.
]]> Fri, 24 May 2013 16:54:25 -0400 <![CDATA[ Dear Abby: Stumped in the ways of flirting ]]> http://www.buffalonews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130524/CITYANDREGION03/130529516/1202 Dear Abby: I’m a 21-year-old nursing student in college. I’m a “people person” and everyone says I’m easy to talk to. According to my friends, I am pretty, smart, funny, etc., but I have never had a boyfriend.

I was extremely sick throughout high school and during my early college years, and spent a lot of time in and out of the hospital. I missed not only a lot of schooling, but also learning some of the basic social skills most people my age have mastered when it comes to dating. It has been only during the last couple of years that I have been healthy enough to even consider dating, and now I have no clue what to do.

I am naturally friendly and sometimes guys I’m NOT interested in think I’m flirting with them. However, when I try to flirt with a guy, it never works. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, and my friends all give me different advice. Do you have any tips for me, Dear Abby, on how to let a guy know I’m interested?

– Losing the Dating Game in Florida



Dear Losing: Yes. Be your outgoing, friendly self with everyone. Don’t be afraid to smile and make eye contact. That’s the way you let others know you’re interested. The problem with “trying” to flirt is that it can come across as awkward and aggressive, which can either bring you the wrong kind of attention or scare a man off.Dear Abby: I’m 13 and in junior high school. When we all came back after a break we were greeted with the news that one of the students in our class had died. We were only told that the death was “ruled an accident,” but nothing else. Is it wrong to speculate what happened to our classmate?

– Curious in the Northwest



Dear Curious: When people are given no information, it is normal for them to wonder. After the death of your classmate, I’m surprised grief counseling wasn’t offered to help you and your fellow students deal with the loss, because that is what should have happened. ]]> Fri, 24 May 2013 16:51:21 -0400 <![CDATA[ From the Home Front: Hula hoops and silly games of summer ]]> http://www.buffalonews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130524/LIFE03/130529635/1202
Our daughter and another girl would see who could keep the hoops spinning around their bodies the longest. To me, the spinning seemed to last for days. Around and around those hoops would go until one crashed to the ground. When the winner’s finally dropped, too, the girls would begin another round, sometimes switching hula hoops first out of fairness.

When they – or their bodies – tired of hula hooping, out came the pogo stick. Who could jump the most times? As they took turns on the spring-loaded stick, they kept count. One, two, three ... one cousin was so good at this, I think she could have jumped all the way back to her house in another town.

When I was a kid, we had jump-roping contests. Even if dinner was ready or the sky was darkening, we always wanted to improve our numbers just one more time with another session.

Backward-running races and seeing who could jump the farthest from a stationary position always delivered a good time. Arm-wrestling was fun, too, but something I usually lost because the other kid always seemed to start on the count of two, not three. Stinker.

The game I was good at was the one in which I would face my outstretched hands palm side up while my opponent would face his palm side down several inches above mine. The challenge began, of course, when I would quickly flip over my hands and attempt to slap the backs of my opponent’s before he could pull them away. The secret was to give several false starts – but only sometimes and never the same number of them.

After several successful hand slaps, we would switch roles.

Other contests weren’t physical but challenging just the same. Who could blow the biggest bubble? Win the most games of tick-tack-toe? Figure out which closed fist held the penny? Guess the song the other was thinking?

Staring contests were another favorite way to kill some time.

While they often took place between backseat passengers during long car rides, staring contests were a popular choice just about anywhere. Including at school.

I was horrible at this game. I would try to think about something sad, but it never worked. I would crack up moments after the game started and lose – again.

Similarly, my father would dare me not to laugh while he slowly counted to the number three. I never made it. It was his dragged-out “2, 2½, 2¾ ...” that always got me. But he did let me win at arm-wrestling.



email: smartin@buffnews.com ]]> Fri, 24 May 2013 06:50:01 -0400 Susan Martin
]]> <![CDATA[ Tackling those large patches of weeds ]]> http://www.buffalonews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130524/LIFE03/130529636/1202
Garlic mustard is a noxious weed (listed as invasive in New York State) that continues to develop viable seeds even after it is uprooted, so you shouldn’t let the pulled plants remain on the ground. Doing the work, I was especially irked at myself because I should have caught the first few plants that appeared during the last three years. And this season I should have gone after them all much sooner than I did. I also ran out of time to finish the task, as my work – and some black fly bites around my eyes – forced me back inside.

Is there any easier way to remove large patches of weeds? What else could I have done, and what if the area had been even larger? These questions come up often, and I’m not the only gardener who gets overwhelmed.One straightforward way to stop nasty plants, for a while at least, is to smother them. For a large area, spread sheets of heavy plastic (the thicker the better) over the weedy areas. Look for 10-by-20 or 20-by-40 sheets and cut to size. Some gardeners even use carpet, and I have done so.

For appearance, cover the plastic or carpet with mulch. I have stopped Japanese knotweed and goutweed by covering vast swaths of them, extending the coverage 10 feet beyond the visible weeds. Watch for new weeds poking up beyond the sheets, and keep digging them out. Eventually some weeds such as cinquefoil or creeping Charlie will creep on top of the plastic and root in the mulch, so you’ll have to catch them as they take hold. It’s quite satisfying to rip the sheets up after a couple of years, and see all the dead weeds beneath and growing into them.

In smaller spaces, such as the perennial garden, blocking weeds is more complicated. First pull any weeds before they go to seed, whether they are annual or perennial weeds. A piece of dandelion root will regrow, but that’s just one plant; it’s more important to stop that puffy flower head from making hundreds of babies. I pull the weeds, spread compost or leaves to enrich the soil, and then put down thick newspaper sections topped by heavy weight garbage bags or cut plastic sheets around the perennials and shrubs. I then mulch with shredded bark or pine needles.Some plants can outcompete weeds, with a little support from us. If you have a hill or bank you want to weed and cover – not the place for lawn – consider ground-covering perennials or creeping vines. Cornell University produced a study showing spreading perennials that block weeds, including ladies’ mantle, Sedum ‘John Creech’, butterfly weed, catmint and a low-growing aster.

Many farmers spread cover crops such as alfalfa, oats and grain combinations, and some of their methods may apply to your large weedy tract. Buckwheat is an attractive, easy grower, loved by pollinators, and it blocks weeds better than any other seeded crop to my knowledge.Herbicides are products that kill plants or inhibit plant growth in several different ways, some by direct contact and others systemically. Only you can decide if you are going to use any herbicide products, but if you do, you must read and heed the label – by law – and you should clearly understand how the product works and whether it applies to your problem.

So many people simply buy something labeled “weed killer,” with no clue about correct application, timing or the targeted plants. There are harmful environmental and health consequences of using some products, especially at the wrong time, in the wrong amounts, on the wrong target plants. Wrong use also wastes time and money. I do not use them. Here are some basic answers to some common questions:

Can I use a pre-emergent weed killer?

Pre-emergent herbicides stop weeds like dandelions from growing, but timing is everything. These products must be applied before the weeds start to grow (often sometime in March and mid-September). Read labels; ask experts.

Is there an organic herbicide?

Even organic lawn care experts disagree sometimes, but products containing corn gluten meal, such as organic Preen, appear to inhibit weed growth effectively, without harmful effects. Besides, they contain nitrogen so they are also an organic fertilizer that can’t hurt. Organic lawn care relies on the premise that a healthy, thick lawn, cared for properly, beats out most weeds – but it’s a process, not a quick-kill approach. Consult an expert.

What about Roundup?

Products like this kill plants through leaf contact, and must be applied on large areas of leaves, so let the goutweed, creeping Charlie or poison ivy grow for a couple of months, and then spray them or brush them with the product, more than once. Read the label. Be extremely careful; wind drift can kill nearby plants. Such products are one of the only effective tools for managing powerful, invasive plants – a tough dilemma when we prefer organic methods.

Weeds are part of gardening, and we can usually stay ahead of them. Don’t be discouraged. When you can’t fight any more, it may be time to renovate the whole garden, and call in professional CNLPs to take on the job.



Sally Cunningham is a garden writer, lecturer and consultant ]]> Thu, 23 May 2013 17:22:27 -0400 <![CDATA[ Super Handyman: Give new furniture and antique makeover ]]> http://www.buffalonews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130524/CITYANDREGION03/130529638/1202
Old furniture has worn areas, around the corners and near handles. You can make them look worn by using a rasp to grind off sharp corners. Then use sandpaper to smooth the areas. It’s instant aging.

It’s not just the edges of furniture that get abused over time. The top surface is also usually heavily damaged. Use a hammer or some other heavy, metal object to inflict injury on the surface.

Scratches are a sign of age, too, and things like nails and chisels can create years’ worth of scratches in just a few minutes.

An ice pick or awl can be used to make “worm holes,” a sign of old age on many real antiques.

Paint and stain can be used to create an aged appearance, too. Rubbing dark stain into cracks and crevices will make a piece of furniture look old.

If you are going to paint the furniture, rub a little petroleum jelly on some edges and corners before applying the paint. It won’t stick on these areas, and you can wipe the paint off easily once it’s dried on the rest of the surfaces.

Paint on several different colors of paint and then sand and scrape off the top layer or two to show the colors underneath.

Use black paint and a toothbrush to make tiny fly specks on the finish. Other dark stains and spots may be added in other areas to show a lot of age and wear.

These are just a few ways you can create “old” furniture out of new pieces. You’ll need to come up with a great story of how you came to own the piece, too. It’s just part of the process, so have some fun with the furniture and your friends!

...

Q: My house is in pretty good shape, but I have been hearing a loud metallic sound that I think is coming from one of my rooftop air vents. I think I have figured out which one is making the noise but don’t know what to do to stop it. Got any ideas? – B.R.

A: Go up into the attic and watch the fan as it moves. It should be easy to see if one of the blades is hitting something or if the spindle needs to be lubricated. You may have to access it from the roof side to make repairs. Just be careful, and you should be able to handle it. These rarely have any major problems and, if they do, can be replaced without a lot of expense.

...

Q: I was considering putting up some reflective window film, but was wondering if it would really make a difference. I’ve also heard it is hard to take down. What do you think? – J.T.

A: It does a satisfactory job and is fairly easy to install. If you follow the directions and you use their particular remover, it will be easier to take down if you ever decide to. Most brands are not recommended for double-paned windows.Do you have a fire extinguisher in your home? If you don’t, go get one before the day is over. Most are fairly inexpensive and available at discount stores and home centers. Every home should have at least one!We make fun of the fact that duct tape can be used for just about anything. Well, Super Seal Spray-On Duct Tape can be used to do even more. It’s perfect for sealing metal, rubber and plastic leaks, and can be used indoors and outside. The patch is tough yet pliable, and it sets up quickly. You can apply several thin coats, waiting five minutes between each coat, and can be ready to use it again in about 30 minutes. You even can paint over it, so your repairs will be barely visible. It’s great for the car, gutters, ductwork, hoses, insulation, some pipes, planters and pots, and many other places. Super Seal Spray-On Duct Tape is available at a variety of stores, including discount and hardware stores, auto-repair supply stores and other outlets. For additional information, go to www.idqusa.com.



Got a question or a handy tip? Visit www.thesuperhandyman.com. ]]> Thu, 23 May 2013 17:22:03 -0400 <![CDATA[ Carolyn Hax: Girlfriend wants freelancer to work in an office ]]> http://www.buffalonews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130524/CITYANDREGION03/130529640/1202 Dear Carolyn: I’ve been thinking of asking my girlfriend to marry me, after several years of happy and fulfilled dating.

The other day, for the first time, my girlfriend expressed that she really didn’t like that I work at home. I freelance and really love it. I have a lot saved and I’m in a much better financial place than she is, which gives me a lot of latitude.

She said she couldn’t understand the perspective of someone who didn’t go into an office every day and who didn’t have to bear the burden of working under a boss. She made it clear that she wouldn’t care if I made less money, only that I had somewhere to go in the morning and that I wasn’t my own boss. She then compared me to her former boyfriends, who apparently had more “grit” and who had to work for a paycheck.

As someone who works at least 50 hours a week, I am really bothered by the idea that I’m somehow deficient, especially since I’m doing the work I want to be doing and fulfilling a unique career niche.

Her lack of respect for what I do has made me reconsider whether I want to marry her. I definitely feel insulted and misunderstood; is it the sort of thing that can be talked out, or is career disrespect a deal-breaker?

– Confused



A: Lunkheadedness sure is, or at least ought to be, and that – to my own home-based-careerist mind – underlies her lack of respect.

Undercuts its importance, too: Truly, she’d prefer that you demote yourself because she loves a man with a big commute? The value of her respect is in free-fall.

Still, those “several years” say she deserves a carefully if skeptically offered chance. Tell her you’re grateful she said this out loud, since you should be; just imagine if she kept harboring these doubts in silence.

Then, spell out your confusion. “I’m struggling to understand. You would like me better if I ended my successful career and took any new job, as long as I had to leave home, work for somebody else and experience the discomfort of these two things?”

Unless she stunned you into silence with her initial pronouncement, I imagine you did a version of this already.

If so, then do it again – “I know I’m belaboring this …” – and listen very carefully to the way she responds now, several days after the fact. Also look hard into your past few years together for context. Think of yourself as your future shrink, picking around for things that were available to you as warning signs about this woman and this relationship.

Do this because, depending on her response, you might have nothing left to say to her but this: “I can’t date someone who would ask me to change my fulfilling life just to meet her arbitrary standards of manhood.” And you’ll want to declare that with confidence that it was never about her saying just one loopy, inexplicable thing. ]]> Thu, 23 May 2013 17:21:57 -0400 <![CDATA[ Dear Abby: Wedding present was gift, not donation ]]> http://www.buffalonews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130523/LIFE/130529639/1202 Dear Abby: My husband and I attended the wedding of the son of some old friends in another state. Rather than buy the young couple a gift, we instead gave them a check for $1,000.

Imagine our astonishment when a month later the following arrived in our mailbox: “Dear ‘Loretta’ and ‘Evan,’ “Thank you for the generous donation. We really enjoyed spending that money. If ever you feel like you have too much of it, we would gladly take it off your hands. “Love, ‘Mason’ and ‘Candace’ ”

Abby, my husband and I have worked hard for many years in our business and have been blessed by the Lord. We were happy and humbled to be able to share with them – until we received this. The money wasn’t a donation; it was a GIFT.

– Stung in Sioux City



Dear Stung: Let’s hope the note you received was an unfortunate attempt at humor. While the message may have gone over like a lead balloon and I’m sure the parents would be beyond embarrassed if they knew, at least you received a thank-you for your generosity. I hear from many people who complain that their gifts were not acknowledged at all.Dear Abby: One of my co-workers takes company research presentation books into the restroom with him multiple times a day and spends upward of half an hour in there with them. The unsanitary implications of this drive me batty. I am not germophobic, but taking shared materials into the bathroom while you’re doing your business is just too much for me. Am I crazy or is taking shared workplace materials into the bathroom gross and inappropriate?

– Waiting for E. Coli to Kill Me



Dear Waiting: You are asking the wrong person this question. You should be asking the head of human resources or your boss. I’m no germophobe either, but I agree that what your co-worker is doing is extremely inappropriate. You should not have to sanitize your hands after touching anything your co-worker might have touched, but that’s what I’m suggesting you do.Dear Abby: How do I forgive someone so I can move on with my life? It would take me forever to tell you everything that has been said and done. Forgiving sounds simple, but it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Can you help?

– Challenged in Illinois



Dear Challenged: If hate and resentment are eating away at you, then it is probably healthier for you to let go of it. Forgiving someone isn’t doing something for someone else; it is a gift you give yourself that allows you to move forward with your life. Your religious adviser can help you – or, if you prefer, a licensed mental health counselor. ]]> Thu, 23 May 2013 17:21:59 -0400 <![CDATA[ Parent to Parent: Summer sun safety ]]> http://www.buffalonews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130523/CITYANDREGION03/130529780/1202
If your athlete or day camper gets grumpy and weary, check out whether he is getting too much sun, is irritated by dirty air, is not drinking enough fluids or is going to bed too late.

Look back at your grumpy kid’s bedtime and check into the day’s schedule to be sure there are breaks for drinks, rest and shade.

Does your child’s day camp offer alternate activities during the hottest part of the day? And when the level of ozone, the main pollutant in smog, is high in your area, are campers running around at full throttle and running out of breath? Camps should limit activities during the heat of the day and high-traffic times, when the ozone level is higher, the American Lung Association says.

Kids breathe faster and more deeply when they are active, so they take in even more polluted air as they exercise. For both adults and kids, the body has no natural defense against the irritant ozone.

Pay attention to your area’s daily color-coded ozone forecast, and limit outdoor activities as needed to prevent such problems as shortness of breath, coughing and irritation of the eyes, nose and throat. Even more moderate yellow-zone days irritate some children.

Sunburn and sleepless nights can ruin a vacation or a trip to summer camp. Here are some tips for more carefree travel once your plans are set:

• After a day of traveling, an evening round of swimming at a hotel pool will help get the wiggles out. But stick as closely as possible to your child’s regular eating and bedtime routine. A later bedtime typically doesn’t translate into a later morning wake-up.

• Discuss before the trip how your family will divide child care duties so that both Mom and Dad get a break, and nobody feels like a martyr. At a beach or pool, take turns being the designated “water watcher,” suggests the National Safe Kids Campaign.

• To avoid surprises upon hotel arrival, ask questions ahead of time about the services available for children. Is there in-room baby-sitting? Does your child have to be potty-trained for activities sponsored by the hotel?

• Upon arrival, pay attention to potential hazards such as rental cribs, balconies and dangling curtain cords, which can present strangling hazards.

• If your child is susceptible to seasonal allergies, check with your health care provider before your trip. Some parents say their kids benefit from taking an antihistamine for about a week before sleeping in a new place where unfamiliar molds can trigger coldlike symptoms.

Whatever your summer plans are, don’t be fooled by cloudy skies. Ultraviolet rays are most intense from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., whether the sky is cloudy or clear. If your shadow is shorter than you are, exposure to ultraviolet rays is high. The Skin Cancer Foundation suggests:

• Apply a thick, even coat of sunscreen to all exposed areas 30 minutes before going outside.

• Reapply every two hours and right after swimming, sweating or toweling off.

• Remind children to cover easy-to-miss spots such as the back of their ears and neck, as well as the tops of feet and backs of hands.

• Wear sun-protective clothing and a hat. A baseball cap is better than nothing.

• Wear UV-blocking sunglasses to protect eyes and the sensitive skin that surrounds them.

• Lips get sunburned, too, so apply lip balm that contains sunscreen with an SPF of 30 or higher.

The cancer foundation also suggests that parents ask about sun safety at camp, or any other times when you won’t be around to slather the necessary sunscreen onto your kids. Questions to ask:

• Do camp counselors remind children to apply sunscreen regularly?

• Are outdoor activities scheduled in the early morning and late afternoon?

• Are there adequate places for campers to seek shade and drink water during outdoor activities? ]]> Wed, 22 May 2013 17:12:37 -0400 <![CDATA[ Family Matters: Stumbling over the great (taste) divide ]]> http://www.buffalonews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130523/CITYANDREGION03/130529782/1202
I know, I know. I was as shaken as you are. I only recently realized this myself, which is why I wanted to be the first to tell you.

It all started when I made a Jell-O salad for Easter simply because my mother used to make it and her mother used to make it. It’s a lemon Jell-O with pineapple and bananas. The leftover pineapple juice is used to make a pudding layer for the top, which is then finished with a flourish of grated cheddar.

Our new son-in-law looked at the salad, asked what was in it, then polished off a piece. He said, “You know, that was strange, but good.” It was a smart summary on his part, especially since he is new to the family and has not yet passed his probation period.

I mentioned the strange but good Jell-O salad incident to a walking buddy and she concurred that gelatin salad has fallen from favor. It also reminded her of her favorite Jell-O salad, which she had not made in some time, a strawberry pretzel Jell-O salad. She basically said it is to die for. I cannot imagine dying for Jell-O salad, but she promptly whipped one up, brought it over, and I am reconsidering my previous stance.

There was a time when a Sunday dinner, pitch-in, picnic in the park or holiday gathering wasn’t complete without a Jell-O salad. My mother had an entire cookbook of gelatin salads. Perhaps Jell-O began falling from favor when women began putting stranger and stranger ingredients in it – carrots, cabbage, beets, green olives, Coke, ham, mayonnaise and corn. The yum factor took a nose dive.

I recently read a post by a food blogger who described herself as someone who “hates canned soup and Jell-O.” Yes dear, but you don’t have to get testy about it. Perhaps someone needs a little chocolate? She probably hates that, too.

In any case, meek and wobbly Jell-O may be joining the divisive food group. This is the food group that parts people like the Mason-Dixon line once did and like Barry Manilow still does. These are foods you love or detest with no in between. Mint: love it or hate it. Grapefruit: love it or hate it. Coconut is another that divides. You either love it or it tastes like hair.

Sweet potatoes used to be an all-in or all-out, but they’ve been so touted lately that everybody is eating them, even people who used to gag at the sight of them.

Jell-O resurged for a time as jigglers and is still popular in some institutions of higher learning as a drinking game, but it would seem that the Jell-O salad in particular has faded from favor.

Then again, maybe I am wrong. Maybe the Jell-O salad isn’t dead. If it is dead though, this is what they should engrave on the headstone. “Strange, but good.”



Lori Borgman’s tongue-in-cheek book, “The Death of Common Sense and Profile of Those Who Knew Him,” is available online. Contact the author at lori@loriborgman.com) ]]> Wed, 22 May 2013 17:12:26 -0400 <![CDATA[ The Family Filmgoer ]]> http://www.buffalonews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130523/CITYANDREGION03/130529783/1202 “Star Trek Into Darkness” (PG-13): Big, loud and in 3-D (3-D/IMAX at some theaters), “Star Trek Into Darkness” offers teens a jolt of fun and parents and grandparents many nostalgic pleasures. One could wish the villain – though his roots lie in the 1960s TV series and the 1980s movies – weren’t cast as a terrorist. That’s a tired trope for today.

But despite this, director J.J. Abrams and his perfectly cast actors infuse youth, irreverence and physical daring into this rebooted “Star Trek” world. Chris Pine as Capt. Kirk, Zachary Quinto as Spock, Zoe Saldana as Uhura, Karl Uban as Bones, Simon Pegg as Scotty, John Cho as Sulu and Anton Yelchin as Chekov embody the original characters while making them new.

The year is 2259. The film opens on the planet, Nibiru, where Spock nearly perishes trying to stop a volcanic eruption from destroying the primitive civilization there. Capt. Kirk violates protocol, risking the Enterprise and its crew to save him. Spock, true to his Vulcan half, reports the incident. Adm. Pike (Bruce Greenwood) strips Kirk of his command. However, a huge explosive attack on Star Fleet headquarters in London intervenes.

A former Star Fleet officer, John Harrison (Benedict Cumberbatch), has gone rogue. Star Fleet high command meets to discuss how to stop him and comes under lethal attack. Kirk, promoted back to captain on the orders of hawkish Adm. Marcus (Peter Weller), arms the Enterprise with nuclear torpedoes (a violation of Star Fleet’s do-no-harm philosophy), and follows Harrison to a Klingon planet called Kronos.

Once there, the crew clash with the enemy Klingons, and suddenly Harrison is on their side. Then again, he may be a super-genetically enhanced, age-old Star Fleet nemesis dating back to the old TV show.

The mayhem includes many space explosions and spaceship dogfights, but also features close-up gun and phaser exchanges and skull-cracking fisticuffs. Characters use mild profanity and also drink. Kirk, known for his womanizing ways, turns up in bed briefly with two space-alien women with tails. Characters die in more emotional and slightly bloodier ways than you might expect in a “Star Trek” film.

“Fast and Furious 6” (PG-13): If car chases and tough-talking heroes give high school action fans a kick – especially if they favor all the PG-13-rated “Fast & Furious” films that came before – then “Fast & Furious 6” won’t disappoint. The level of violence and implied death and destruction of innocents make the film problematic for middle schoolers.

We find the street racing buddies far from L.A., living abroad as rich fugitives since their South American adventures in “Fast Five.” Veteran street racer Dom (Vin Diesel), former lawman Brian (Paul Walker) and his love Mia (Jordana Brewster), who is Dom’s sister, live in the Canary Islands. As the film opens, Dom and Brian are street racing to Mia’s bedside – she’s just had a baby. Then up shows U.S. agent Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson), who tried to catch them in the last film. He promises pardons for all if they help catch a rogue British agent named Shaw (Luke Evans) who has attacked military convoys in search of a precious and lethal computer chip. Shaw rolls with a gang of ace drivers, and Hobbs thinks Dom and his crew are the only ones who can catch them.

When Dom learns that his one-time love Letty (Michelle Rodriguez), whom he thought was dead, is now working for Shaw, he agrees to help in hopes he can bring her back into the fold.

Included are bone-cracking fights and implications of torture, much heavy-caliber gun violence and a car-tank-helicopter chase that crushes many vehicles on a public highway. It’s clear that many innocents would die. We don’t see any bystanders get hurt so the PG-13 rating stays intact. The script features occasional midrange profanity and rude gestures, as well as mild sexual innuendo. ]]> Wed, 22 May 2013 17:12:23 -0400 <![CDATA[ Dear Abby: Advice leaves some readers smoking mad ]]> http://www.buffalonews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130522/LIFE/130529781/1202 Dear Abby: I was surprised to see you equate a concerned grandmother’s creative solution to smoking with bribery in your Feb. 14 column. The word “bribe” has a negative connotation. What the grandmother did was offer an incentive, NOT a bribe, that will benefit her grandchildren in the long run. I think the woman should be congratulated.

Now for a disclaimer: When my daughter was 14, I came up with the same idea in the form of a wager. I bet her that if she could resist peer pressure and not become a smoker by the time she was 21, I would buy her the dress of her dreams. To my delight, she won the bet. By then she was studying to become a marine biologist, so instead of a dress, the money went toward a wetsuit. At 43, she’s still a nonsmoker and she has now made that same bet with her children. It’s the best money I ever spent.

– Retired Clinical Social Worker



Dear R.C.S.W.: Did I get clobbered for my response to that letter. Out of the hundreds of letters and emails received, only ONE person agreed with me. The rest were smokin’ mad. Read on:

Dear Abby: In my many years as a school psychologist, I have counseled hundreds of parents and teachers about dealing with behavioral issues in children. I often make the distinction between a “bribe” and a “reward” by describing a bribe as something you give someone to do something dishonest, while a reward is given for doing something commendable. What she did was reward their good choice in not developing a potentially fatal habit.

– Old-School Psychologist

Dear Abby: When you give someone money for something that has already been completed, it’s a paycheck and not a bribe. It was pointed out to me that few of us would continue to go to work if we weren’t paid for it, and those grandchildren were being paid for “work” that was already completed. It’s an important distinction that may be helpful for parents and other adults to understand.

– Former School Principal

Dear Abby: I disagree with your answer! What that grandmother did was REWARD her grandchildren, not bribe them. A lot of pressure is put on teens, and it takes considerable willpower and maturity to avoid some of these temptations. At 16 or 17, it is hard for them to imagine being over 30, and none of them can imagine being 60 or 70 with lung disease. Hooray for grandparents who can help them avoid adopting a life-threatening habit in any way they can!

– Grandmother in Iowa

Dear Abby: I told my son I would give him $1,000 at the age of 21 if he didn’t smoke. It wasn’t bribery. It was a great tool to combat peer pressure. Whenever he was offered a cigarette, he could simply say he had a better offer. Not only did it work, the other kids were envious.

– Michigan Mom ]]> Wed, 22 May 2013 17:12:33 -0400 <![CDATA[ People’s Pharmacy: Improving health without scolding ]]> http://www.buffalonews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130522/CITYANDREGION03/130529820/1202 Doctors often admonish their patients to make lifestyle changes that will help their health: stop smoking, eat better, exercise more and lose weight.

If patients don’t make progress on these challenging goals, doctors may get frustrated and scold patients. Then they prescribe pills to lower cholesterol, control blood sugar or reduce blood pressure.

Patients also feel frustrated. Making big changes can be extremely difficult. People get defensive when they are scolded and may give up.

Albert Einstein supposedly said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.” We know doctors are not crazy, but the pattern of reprimanding and prescribing is repeated over and over.

As any parent who has ever tried to nag a child into keeping his room neat knows, scolding doesn’t work very well. A new approach, known as motivational interviewing, is gathering momentum in medicine.

Those who have been trained in its use learn to collaborate with patients. They find out what goals the patient is setting or is willing to set, and then help the patient figure out how to reach them. This may mean tackling baby steps or finding rewards that are meaningful to the patient.

Behavioral economist Dan Ariely, Ph.D., tells in his book “Predictably Irrational” of being prescribed a medication that had horrible side effects. It was essential for treating a very serious viral infection.

He was supposed to take it three times a week. Because he loves movies, on treatment days he would rent a movie, set up everything for comfortable watching and then take the medicine. By the time he began to experience the fever, headaches, nausea and vomiting, he had already enjoyed much of the movie and was able to look forward to the next movie hit. He was the only patient in the study who managed to take every dose as the physicians recommended.

Ariely explains his strategy, “Planning my evening in this way helped my brain associate the injection more closely with the movie than with the fever, chills and vomiting, and thus, I was able to continue the treatment.”

As you might guess, rewards need to be individually tailored. Goals also need to be personalized. Rather than being told “You must lose 50 pounds,” the person decides what goal has meaning for her. She and the doctor, nurse or health coach figure out together what steps she needs to take to reach it. Then the coach uses nonjudgmental encouragement to follow up at each step. This adds the dimension of accountability, critical in maintaining progress.

Physicians often complain that patients stop taking their medicine. Sometimes they don’t even fill the initial prescription, suggesting that patient and physician were not on the same page about the benefits and risks of the drug. Doctor visits may be too short for the doctor to ask the patient what he thinks about the medicine.

In a different approach, the patient’s concerns about drug side effects could provide an incentive for him to change his diet and exercise patterns. The goal would be to reach an acceptable blood pressure, for example, without medication. Being congratulated instead of scolded would be a welcome change for many patients. ]]> Wed, 22 May 2013 00:44:34 -0400 <![CDATA[ Carolyn Hax: Dealing with cousins violence ]]> http://www.buffalonews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130522/CITYANDREGION03/130529821/1202 Dear Carolyn: I’m having trouble dealing with my violent niece and nephew, 5 and 7. I have two children of my own a little older. We are a tight family that (mostly, despite this big issue) enjoys hanging out together quite often. It’s common for the 5-year-old to hold my 7-year-old down and just swing punches.

The boy was kicked out of day care at 2 for his violent tendencies. In an effort to not tear the family apart, we’ve tried to deal with it by telling ourselves that in time it will go away. Things aren’t better, except that he is wiser now and waits for when he thinks we’re not watching to hit our kids. At a recent birthday, the two hit or kicked every kid at least once.

I am as nonconfrontational as it gets, and as a result I think my kids have learned that being hit by them is OK. In a world of bullies, I need to send the message that it is most definitely not OK, even with family.

I just don’t know how to open the parents’ eyes. They don’t express any concern or impose any real discipline and leave everyone else to deal with them. The children don’t take our discipline seriously as a result of a lifelong use of empty threats by the parents.

I love them and want them in our lives, but I’m worried about causing a rift in our family. As of now, we just make up excuses for why we can’t hang out.

– L.



A: If your plan is to wait on the sidelines until you’re sure you can “open the parents’ eyes,” then you’re in for a bad case of bleacher-butt.

As you sit there, you’re also abdicating other important responsibilities, ones that are actually within your control where other people’s eyelids are not.

You’ve identified the most immediate one yourself: You have a duty to protect your kids, both from their cousins’ haymakers and, far more dangerous, from the mindset that it’s better to take abuse quietly than risk a disruption. You can project that into other areas of their lives, can’t you? When they’re in their 20s and an intimate partner is hitting them, but they don’t speak up for fear of ruining Christmas?

There are many ways to teach the life skill of setting personal limits, from telling your kids to let you know whenever their cousins hit them, to supervising the kids and stepping in when it gets ugly, to saying openly that if the kids keep hitting then you will ask them to leave, to enrolling your kids in martial arts. Pick your popcorn. All that matters is that you mean it, and your kids see it.

Two other major responsibilities you have are to your niece and nephew, and to society. You do none of them any favors by being the adult who was in a position to flag this problem early but chickened out.

If you don’t think intervening with troubled kids and teaching your kids to stand up for themselves are worth a family rift, then please keep thinking. Avoiding a rift is primarily about your comfort. As a priority, it doesn’t stand up to a moment’s scrutiny. It’s also a goal you’re not even accomplishing. You aren’t comfortable, you’re upset; you aren’t keeping peace with the family, you’re hiding from them. When you stand to lose something of value to you, that’s when you most need solid principles. This problem might cost you a sibling, and that would be terrible, but that would also be the fault of parents who won’t do their jobs. If this problem costs you yourself or your kids their confidence or health, then that will be on you.Dear Carolyn: Do you think there are people who do more “seeking out” of friends and others who wait to be sought? Does it mean anything? I tend to be the gatherer and all my friends are happy to spend time with me, but unless I seek them out I don’t hear from them an awful lot. Thoughts?

– Friend



A: Don’t take it personally when people are being themselves – that’s my thought. It’s when they change the way they act toward you that it’s worth figuring out what it means.



email: tellme@washpost.com ]]> Wed, 22 May 2013 00:44:19 -0400