Miss Manners: Don’t put rude ‘old lady’ in her place
Dear Miss Manners: I’m a 22-year-old college student. I’ve always made an effort to respect my elders, but what am I supposed to do when confronted by an elder who doesn’t respect me?
When I had to do a quick errand, I was in a rush and was deep in my head thinking about all the things I had to do that day. While leaving the post office, a little old lady exited before me. I slipped out the first set of doors behind her. Somehow, although now thinking about it, it was probably by her own manipulation, I made it to the second set of doors before she did, and purposefully opened the door to let her pass before me.
She turned to me and said “Thank you.” I smiled with a “You’re welcome.” Then she said “You see, that’s what people do when people hold open doors for them, they say THANK YOU.”
“I’m sorry?” I replied. She then proceeded to tell me that she had held open the door for me and that I was inconsiderate and rude.
My instinctual response was to deck her, but considering her age, I refrained and simply replied, “Really now, I honestly did not see you hold that door for me; from my understanding, I simply slipped out the door behind you. Please have a pleasant day.”
I walked away seething, feeling scolded like a disrespectful little girl. I feel that I’m a relatively considerate person who would never purposefully be rude to someone, especially a stranger.
My friends say I should have simply apologized and went on my way; they try to remind me that sometimes older people, like all people, are just cranky. But I still feel like her rude remark on my supposed rudeness was out of line and, given another chance, I’d probably call her rude right back to her face.
Gentle Reader: Then you got mighty old and cranky in a hurry. It sure wasn’t long between your experiencing how unpleasant that behavior was and resolving to behave that way yourself.
Fortunately, that interval lasted long enough for you to do the right thing. Miss Manners assures you that this accomplished your purpose of making the stranger realize that she had been rude. Your afterthought would merely have confirmed her impression of you as a disrespectful little girl.
Do gifts go back?
Dear Miss Manners: I was wondering, when you end a romantic relationship, do you return the gifts that your partner gave to you?
Gentle Reader: The jewelry and the car should go back. You can keep the stuffed animals, but Miss Manners would think it far more satisfying to return them.
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