Ill woman hounded for present
Dear Miss Manners: Several years ago, I volunteered at an elementary school and became friendly with a mother and son who both taught there. My health has since deteriorated to the point where I am in a wheelchair. I left my volunteer job and the mother and son moved on.
In the eight years since we worked together, the mother has sent me jokes and prayers thru e-mail, but seldom a personal message. I have not heard from the son in at least four years. Nothing at all until I received his wedding invitation.
I sent my regrets, and a note saying I would send a gift when I was out of the hospital. That day, I was cleared for surgery, and I spent three days in a hospital and four weeks in a rehab facility.
While I was unable to get my e-mail, the mother of the groom sent me four e-mails reminding me to send her son “something to honor his special day.” I then received a group e-mail with a few wedding pictures, so everyone she sent it to was able to read her message that I could finally get her son a gift, and how was surgery? I could also see that she had abased another recipient.
I finally wrote her that I’d had enough. They claim to be devout Christians, yet they are hounding me for a gift. I explained that being in a wheelchair, it is difficult to get out, and I was sorry I didn’t go shopping.
Then her son took over. He ignored my physical limitations and went on and on about how he gave me two months and I should have had plenty of time to buy him something. I have not heard from the man in four years, and then I receive an invitation to his wedding. Do I owe him a gift?
Gentle Reader: As a symbol of your affectionate relationship? The next step in such a campaign is to threaten to break your knees. When this happens, Miss Manners recommends involving the police. In the meantime, she suggests blocking or deleting their e-mail.
Flowers are thoughtful
Dear Miss Manners: Our friend just called to tell us his wife had a miscarriage. My husband told me to send flowers, and I said I wonder if it is appropriate to send flowers because it might be a reminder. What is the proper thing to do? And if we should send flowers, what would you suggest we put on the card?
Gentle Reader: That fear of “reminding” people of a tragedy they have suffered should never be a consideration. Trust Miss Manners, they have not forgotten. What they need to be reminded is that other people care and sympathize. So do, please, send those flowers, with a card that says that you are thinking of them and send your love.
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