Oh, you’re early— again
Dear Miss Manners: Every year my husband and I have a birthday party for our son. Every year the party starts at the same time (2 p. m.), and every year we have the same issue: a set of grandparents who arrive hours early.
The time of the party is set to allow for decorating/setup time in the morning and a quick nap for our son, all of which has been explained to our guests. By arriving early, they disrupt the setup and, most importantly, our son’s nap.
We don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or be rude, but I don’t think they have considered how it bothers us to have company arriving before we’re ready for them. Or perhaps they don’t care. We’ve made unsuccessful attempts to (gently) point out that the party starts at 2 p. m., but this has gotten us no results.
Since these are relatives (and not just rude friends) we can’t stop inviting them, but we are stuck as to what to do about it. Can you tell me how to handle this?
Gentle Reader: Do they always arrive hours early when you invite them for casual visits?
That was a trick question. Miss Manners suspects that this information was not already included because there are few, if any, casual invitations issued. If there were, you would not refer to your son’s grandparents as “our guests” whom you have to entertain (sigh) every year.
Her guess is that these people are starved to see their grandson and are trying to cage extra time with him. It may be that you are not on pleasant terms, or it may only be that they live far away and are rarely able to visit. If you cannot schedule more visits, you might solve the problem by asking them, ahead of time, to stay on after the birthday party for some private time with your son.
Keep mouth closed, TV off
Dear Miss Manners: I was always taught that when eating, to close the lips over the fork or spoon. Lately I have noticed several TV ads that have happy people eating some delightful dish that has been advertised, and drawing the food from their teeth with a big smile on their faces and their teeth bared. For some reason, this makes me shudder! What is the proper (mannerly) way to do this?
Gentle Reader: With the television set off. You were taught properly, and if there are to be revisions in manners, Miss Manners promises you that they will not be announced through behavior demonstrated in television advertisements.
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