Miss Manners: Handwritten notes still best
Dear Miss Manners: Recently, my husband and I have fallen upon hard times and have been blessed enough to have considerate friends and family. We have been showered with no-strings-attached gifts of clothing, food and money.
My mother always taught me that when someone gives you a gift, the least you can do is to buy thank you cards to fill out with a handwritten thank you on the inside.
My dilemma stems from the fact that it doesn’t seem right to use the much-needed money (even though cards cost so little) that was gifted us for our needs to buy the cards. I have thought of using our printer and card stock that we have on hand to make my own, simple, cards myself, but still feel this is not appropriate, especially since I don’t have the proper envelopes for said cards and would end up also making those myself.
Gentle Reader: You’re in luck. Miss Manners assures you that a handwritten and handmade note is not just acceptable, but more gracious than anything you can buy. Paper with a printed “Thank You,” whether bought or from your own printer, looks more like a receipt than a real letter with the words written in your own hand.
A shady situation
Dear Miss Manners: My wife insists on wearing her sunglasses when she goes through the aisles at the local major supermarket. I think it’s rude to leave your sunglasses on inside a public place for that long. I think it’s fine for the local quick trip into the convenience store, but for some reason, it irks me to be with her inside like that pushing a shopping cart around a big store. I think it comes across as arrogant and unapproachable (she isn’t), but again, what do I know?
Gentle Reader: Apparently something that Miss Manners does not, which is why your wife needs to seem approachable in the supermarket. Unless she’s shoving her cart into others’ ankles, her fellow shoppers are likely to be too interested in the produce to notice or care.
What you need to know is that there are many reasons for wearing sunglasses other than their looking spiffy. Your wife may not have eye-related problems, but enough people do to remove the onus from sunglasses, other than mirrored ones worn with black leather to the breakfast table.
A powerful problem
Dear Miss Manners: We live in a fairly affluent neighborhood in a woodsy suburb of a major city. At least a couple times per year, trees fall during storms, causing a power outage, some of which last an extended period of time.
Like a few other residents of this neighborhood, we purchased a backup generator, which automatically supplies power when there is an outage.
A neighbor with whom we are cordial but do not socialize began appearing at our door during these outages and requesting to use our refrigerator, our bathroom to apply makeup for a night out on the town, and other such requests. The last time she brought an extension cord and suggested that we let her run it to her house.
We feel a bit like the Little Red Hen — we’ve taken the initiative to prepare for these outages, yet this woman just wants to rely on us. While I dislike the invasion of our privacy (she is a virtual stranger), I can think of no polite way of turning down these seemingly harmless requests. How does one turn away a neighbor who appears with soon-to-spoil meat without causing an unpleasant riff?
Gentle Reader: By becoming slightly less reliable. But only slightly, as you do not want to turn away even an irresponsible neighbor in genuine need.
You could take in the meat, for example, but apologize that you can’t tie up the bathroom. No explanation needed — there are, after all, unmentionable reasons that you might need it in a hurry. And you might remark that you are glad to be able to save the meat this time, because you often stock up on groceries and would not always have room.
Miss Manners gathers you shot down the extension cord suggestion, and hopes that you take all opportunities to warn that you cannot overload your system, and to say, in a friendly way, “The power’s so unreliable here that many of us feel it’s essential for every house to have its own generator.”
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