Dear Abby: Tell fiance that he eats like a pig
Dear Abby: I’m engaged to the man of my dreams. Our wedding is two months away, and I couldn’t be more excited about starting my life with “Jeff.”
Only one thing bothers me. When the two of us eat alone together, Jeff throws his manners out the window. He kind of eats like a pig. He opens his mouth as wide as it will go and takes as big a bite as he can. Then, as he’s chewing (even with his mouth closed) he makes noises. I can’t get past the noises!
I know Jeff knows better because he doesn’t eat like this when we’re out with his parents or having dinner with friends. The first time he did it I thought he was joking. The second time, I thought he was just really hungry. Now I realize this is the way he eats. We have known each other two years, so we have had plenty of time to get acquainted.
How do I tell him his eating behavior gets under my skin? I don’t want any children we have to learn these habits. Jeff has a tender heart, and I don’t want to hurt his feelings.
—Looking Askance in Texas
Dear Looking: You are about two years late in telling your fiance how his eating habits affect you. If you can’t discuss something as basic as this, how are you going to discuss the challenging problems that will inevitably arise after the two of you are married?
You said yourself that Jeff knows better. He eats this way in front of you because he thinks you don’t mind. So please level with him now—before the wedding. It won’t hurt his feelings; it will set him straight.
Simple ‘thank you’ will do
Dear Abby: It’s apparent that the art of saying “thank you” has gone by the wayside. I’m a widow with limited funds who likes to surprise relatives with nice gifts on special occasions. I sent a food gift to one of them as a housewarming present. Her mother wrote and thanked me, but added that it gave her a stomachache and she was sick for three days!
I shopped carefully for a niece who was starting kindergarten. I selected a sweet “girly” backpack in her favorite color with butterflies and sparkles. Her mom responded that I should have bought a bigger one with a metal frame so she could also use it for family outings. I sent a classic silk blouse to a young woman who was starting her first office job. Her mother told me she would have preferred something more “youthful.” What is wrong with just saying “thank you”?
—Irritated Aunt in Miami
Dear Irritated Aunt: Nothing is wrong with it; in fact, “thank you” is the appropriate and gracious response. But what these mothers are really telling you is that they never taught their daughters one of the important social graces— how to send a prompt and courteous acknowledgment for any gift they receive.
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