Weight loss has husband in tough spot
Dear Abby: My wife, “Laura,” and I have been married 15 years. She recently had gastric bypass surgery and has lost 80 pounds so far.
The last time Laura was slim (about seven years ago), she had an affair with a co-worker and we nearly divorced. With her current weight loss, she is now going out with friends from work one night a week. This means that after all the activities we have scheduled for our kids, there is no night for us. I have had two weekends off in the last six weeks. During both of them Laura went to Las Vegas with her friends.
I’m pleased that my wife is happy with her looks, and I don’t want to appear insecure, but I can’t help but feel it’s “deja vu all over again.” When I ask where she’s going, who she’s going with and why now, she gets angry and says she won’t put up with my “insecurities.” We went to counseling after the affair, but Laura lied and denied she’d had one. I would really appreciate some advice.
—Yo-Yo Husband in Long Beach, Calif.
Dear Yo-Yo Husband: Your wife may think it’s an invasion of her privacy to be asked where she’s going, when she’ll be back and who she’s spending her time with—but that’s the kind of accountability people sign up for when they have a spouse and children. Your insecurity is understandable in light of her past infidelity.
The fact that she’d rather go to Las Vegas for the weekend than spend some alone time with you sends a strong message. I think you already know your marriage is in trouble, so offer your wife the option of marriage counseling. If she refuses— which wouldn’t surprise me— go without her. A licensed therapist will help you understand the dynamics of what’s going on and help you reach some important conclusions about your future.
Dance dilemma
Dear Abby: Would it be inappropriate or tacky if I had a mother/daughter dance at my daughter’s wedding? I know it’s a father/daughter tradition, and my husband will obviously have his dance with her, but I’d like to have a shot at it, too.
My reason is purely selfish. Having lost my son two years ago, I will never experience the mother/son dance we were supposed to share at his wedding the year he died.
Is this crazy? Horribly inappropriate? Am I being too selfish?
—Sentimental in Yonkers
Dear Sentimental: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your son. The mother/daughter dance is something you need to discuss with your daughter and her fiance. What you have in mind is unusual. However, it would be selfish only if you were to pressure your daughter into it over her objections.
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