Abuse should not be kept quiet
Dear Abby: I’m 10 years old and worried about my friend “Kelly.” Her father fought in two wars and suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder, and when he loses it, he hits her.
I really want to tell someone who can help her, but she wants to “keep it a secret.” I’m afraid if I tell, my best friend will get separated from her family. What should I do?
—Hoping to Help a Friend
Dear Hoping to Help: Some secrets are meant to be kept, but physical abuse isn’t one of them. One of the saddest things about abuse is that the victims often come to believe they deserve it because that’s what the abuser tells them (This is YOUR fault—YOU made me do this!). Of course, when someone loses control, it isn’t the victim’s fault but rather the abuser’s, because the abuser is unable to control his (or her) emotions.
There are worse things than being removed from a violent family situation, among them the risk of serious injury. That’s why it’s important that you tell a trusted adult what’s happening to Kelly. This needs to be reported so her father can get the help he so desperately needs.
Sounds like a problem
Dear Abby: In our school, we’re not allowed to have our cell phones out or turned on, but of course, people do it anyway. Some of these students have extremely high-pitched ring tones. They are at such a frequency that the older teachers cannot hear them. Many adults do not hear the noise.
These “mosquito” tones hurt my ears, and just about everyone in the room cringes when someone gets a text message. I’m not sure what to do. The teachers are oblivious, and there are far too many cell phones out to report them all. Should I endure it until I graduate?
—Hating the Invisible Noise
Dear Hating the Noise: Have a private chat with the teacher, tell him or her what’s going on, and explain that the tones are a distraction in class. Then talk to some of the other students you see cringing when the “mosquitoes” start buzzing. If a number of you start visibly reacting to the noise, your teacher should notice and begin to take action.
Thinking is old school
Dear Abby: My mother and I got into a “debate” about the bridesmaids for my upcoming wedding. She said that a bridesmaid has to be a single woman.
I have often seen bridesmaids who are married, so I didn’t think they “had” to be single. Which of us is right?
—Pennsylvania Bride-to-Be
Dear Bride-to-Be: You are. Attitudes have changed radically since your mother was married, and so have weddings. Today there are maternity outfits for pregnant bridesmaids—and brides —so draw your own conclusions.
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