The God Squad /By Rabbi Marc Gellman
Heal old wounds at wedding
Q: My brother’s daughter, my niece and godchild, will be married in six weeks in a Tridentine Latin Mass. After being brought up Catholic, my son was married two years ago in a non-Catholic ceremony. Neither my brother nor his family responded to my son’s wedding invitation and failed to send a gift or even a card. My son is still very hurt by my brother ignoring his happiness.
How should I respond to the invitation to my niece’s wedding? I don’t plan to attend the ceremony, but should I RSVP and send a gift, or ignore the invitation, as my brother and his family ignored my son’s?— I.
A: You should go to your niece’s wedding and send a gift. Life gives us very few opportunities to heal old wounds within a family, and this is such an opportunity. Responding with the same unkindness your brother demonstrated would only widen the chasm between you. I suspect his refusal to attend your son’s wedding may have had more to do with family fighting than theological scruples.
Go to the wedding in the spirit of forgiveness and show your brother that insults can be met with love—not more insults. Life, as they say, is too short to let theology kill your family’s love for each other.
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Q: I thought I’d give the kosher question another whirl! While keeping kosher is a personal choice, I’m surprised when friends who keep kosher tell me they’re “strictly” kosher in their homes but eat whatever they please outside the house. Isn’t kosher more than just a home-based philosophy? Shouldn’t (or isn’t) your body considered to be kosher, as well (and therefore, you un-kosher your body if you don’t keep kosher outside the home)?— B.
A: Kosher is like being pregnant. Either you are or you aren’t. The refusal to eat unkosher animals like pigs and crustaceans and fish without scales is the first part. The second part is to eat kosher animals that have been slaughtered in a ritually proper manner. The third part is not to mix milk and meat in the same meal. The fourth part is to only eat dairy and cheese that’s been coagulated by kosher means. The fifth part is to never eat at a non-kosher restaurant even if you’re only having a fruit plate.
That’s the short version of what it takes to keep kosher. Anything short of this is just not keeping kosher. However, many Jewish folks walk their way into full kashrut by going part of the way first. The most common non-kosher but personally meaningful steps I’ve seen some Jews take are:
• No pork or seafood in the house
• No cheeseburgers
• No milk with coffee at a meat meal
• And my absolute favorite ... Chinese take-out food, including pork, eaten in the basement on a folding table.
It’s easy to lampoon such nonkosher hypocrisy, but I prefer to let each person, Jew or Christian, grow into the required elements of the ritual life in their own way at their own time. A famous Jewish philosopher who didn’t keep kosher was asked once if he did and he answered the best way possible: “Not yet.”
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Q: Is the Menorah a religious symbol, with or without the Star of David on it?— J.
A: Both Judaism and Islam take a dim view of any representational art in the synagogue or mosque. Depicting human beings, even prophets, is considered a violation of the commandment not to make a graven image. However, images of the menorah—one of the holy objects in the Temple in Jerusalem —appear in many synagogues. To avoid making an image of such a holy religious artifact, synagogue menorahs are always six-branched. This differentiates them from the actual Temple Menorah, which had seven branches.
The Hanukiah, the Hanukkah menorah, has eight branches plus one for the lighter candle. The Star of David was never a part of the menorah and is a symbol without any specific religious connotation. Over time, it has become a common symbol of Judaism and is the favorite symbol for a Jewish necklace.
Write to The God Squad, c/o Tribune Media Services, 2225 Kenmore Ave., Suite 114, Buffalo, NY 14207, or e-mailgodsquadquestion@aol.com .
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