People Talk / A conversation with Linda G. Ray
People Talk: Linda G. Ray is taking a stand for the abused
As executive director of the Family Justice Center, Linda G. Ray has a real passion for issues of women and children— particularly when it comes to domestic violence.
Divorced and the mother of a grown daughter, Ray, 58, has considered herself a Western New Yorker for years, though there is no mistaking her Texas roots. Once you hear her speak, you’ll understand why.
People Talk: What excites you about Buffalo?
Linda Ray: The grit. I love the people here. I grew up in a fairly rural environment in a very small town. I’ve never been around blue-collar people —just down-to-earth, salt-of-the-earth fun people, real people. I think a lot of who I am at this age is from spending 30 years here. I’ma very different person than I was when I left Texas. This place really has molded me.
PT: What about this job surprises you?
LR:The scope of the problem. I suppose somewhere before I read that one in four women in this country will be abused in her lifetime, but like OK you read a lot of numbers. But to actually see the faces and hear the stories, and then to see really—relatively speaking—how little amount of resources in this community are dedicated to this issue, it bothers me.
PT: Is it tough for you to distance yourself from the job?
LR:It would be more difficult if I actually worked with clients. I don’t, though I do get to meet some clients, and I am very much aware of what’s going on here. There’s children in the lobby, babies are crying. I thought that if I didn’t hear the stories firsthand, I wouldn’t be as affected as I’d been. Thirteen women murdered since last summer in Erie and Niagara counties? You carry it around.
PT: Domestic violence victims can be men, too.
LR: One in nine men, according to the Centers for Disease Control. We are obviously here to help people in gay relationships as well as straight. We also get men who understand the system well enough who try and beat the real victim here, to mess up her chances of getting services. Sometimes we have to figure out who is the real victim. But we do get real male victims, absolutely, and they are not abused as often, and the severity of the physical abuse is never the same.
PT:What is the most important thing we can do to help raise awareness?
LR: Educate yourself on the issue and talk about it, and help make it OK in this community to have a conversation about this. Many times, victims will struggle to come forward, and a lot of it has to do with societal views. So they’re embarrassed. If the community was having a really vibrant discussion on this issue, it would be more likely for victims to come forward.
PT: Don’t we hear about it all the time?
LR:They way we hear about is in the newspaper or on television when somebody’s been murdered or seriously injured. Why aren’t we talking about how to prevent it, or the children involved?
PT: How do you deal with stress?
LR: I read constantly. One of the great delights in my life is to live close to Talking Leaves on Elmwood, so I can walk there all the time and spend a fortune. I read a lot of fiction, but I also will pick a topic that I don’t know much about and dig into it.
PT: In your job, what is your greatest weapon?
LR: My passion. I’m passionate about most everything I latch on to. It’s not like I’m only passionate about domestic violence. I’m passionate about my politics, about women’s issues. When I get passionate, I can usually move things forward in whatever environment I find myself.
PT: You speak your mind.
LR: I’m not afraid to speak up. I don’t know if I command attention. I may demand it. I speak up. I feel obligated right now to speak up for these women and children. Somebody has to, and I can so I do. PT: What motivates you?
LR: Having a lot that needs doing. I’m motivated by deadlines. Unfortunately, I can be a procrastinator. I am a focused person in that I do see the end, and I stay on line until the end.
PT: Where do you do your best thinking?
LR: My bed. I wake up generally on my own. I don’t use alarm clocks very often, and I lay there for a while, and I think about all kinds of stuff. Also, I don’t sleep through the night ever anymore. I’ll write stuff down if I need to, so I don’t lose it and then I’ll go back to sleep.
PT: How do you start the conversation with someone who you think is being abused?
LR:
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