“The new movie in town is ‘This or That,’ starring Darlene D’Amour as a pair of twins, one good, the other not.

“The story alternates between the exploits of the good twin, who does volunteer work in slums, and those of the evil twin, who breaks men’s hearts and their bank accounts.

“As the good twin, Darlene exhibits the charm that first brought her to our attention. When she alternates parts and becomes evil, she lights up the screen. At the end of the film, not to give too much away, Darlene must choose between two options: one is to marry a man she doesn’t love; the alternative is to run off to Tibet and pray with the monks there. As usual, Darlene exhibits her buxom bosom to advantage throughout, and the film ends on a strikingly bare note.”

Remember: alternate—as a bottom or verb (ALL-ter-nate), take turns

alternate—as a descriptive word (ALL-ter-nit), taking turns

alternative—the second of two choices (all-TURN-a-tiv)

Quiz

1) “You have two choices for the end of the movie!” the director screamed at King Kong. “One is to swim across the East River with the girl. The (alternate/ alternative) is to commandeer a bus for Albany. That’s it!”

2) Three days a week, Stephanie shopped at Bab’s Buns. There, she liked to (alternate (ate)/alternative) between huckleberry buns and honeydew babka.

3) “You have two (alternates/ alternatives),” King Kong told the director. “You can film me climbing the Empire State Building, or you can give up directing altogether.”

Answers

1) alternative (The director was fed up with Kong’s demands for this, that, and a banana.)

2) alternate (ate) (On three other days, Stephanie patronized Bubba’s Bakery. On the seventh day, she ordered in.)

3) alternatives (Since Kong was gripping the director in his fist at the time, the deal was quickly, uh, executed.)