Q: Is it reasonable for a pastor to charge members $500 to conduct weddings? This does not include the use of the facilities and musicians fees.— J.

A: There are several issues you might want to consider that are as much spiritual as they are financial with regard to the compensation of clergy. The first and most important question is whether you are a member of this pastor’s church. Most clergy have a policy of not charging members any fee for life cycle rituals. If a donation is made, the policy is usually to give that money to other charities or to the church.

Since your e-mail is short on details, I’m assuming you’re not a member of this church and simply asked the pastor to officiate for basically the same reasons you chose your florist. This is a disappointing trend, from my point of view.

Weddings are personal and family celebrations but they’re also celebrations of a community at the marriage of one of their own. Contracting with clergy privately for life cycle events breaks that link to a religious community, and in a larger sense weakens the institutions of organized religion, which have helped sustain our communities and support vast networks of charity that no other institutions in our culture can provide.

My advice is to first join the pastor’s church and then ask the question. If the fee is the same for members and strangers, then just pay the fee and enjoy the wedding.

Q: I’m having a crisis of faith— in my synagogue. Earlier this year, we tried to merge with another synagogue, but due to some problems, our board voted not to go ahead with the merger. Several weeks ago, an emergency congregational meeting was called because now it appears we have a large budget deficit (which was the reason for the merger in the first place).

At the meeting, a vote was taken to assess every member. I don’t feel less Jewish, but I do feel less “temple-ish” now. We seem to move from money crisis to money crisis.

With the High Holy Days coming up, I don’t feel that my presence would make a difference unless it’s a big contribution toward the High Holiday Appeal. Since you have a congregation, what are your thoughts?— L., via godsquadquestion@aol.com

A: I collect seashells. Each time I look at one of them, I realize that some sea animal lived in that shell until one of three things happened: 1) it got too big and moved into a bigger shell, 2) it got too small and moved into a smaller shell, or 3) it died and no longer needed a shell.

What’s true of seashells is also true of houses of worship. Your synagogue is experiencing a shrinking of the Jewish population in your area, and you must make hard decisions to try to save your synagogue. You can either seek new members (unlikely) or you can charge the members you have higher dues and hope they don’t also leave the shell. These are hard issues to face. The people leading your synagogue are just trying to keep it alive. They’re not trying to demean you or tell you that your only value to the synagogue is as a fundraiser. They’re volunteers and are just trying to do their best, so cut them some slack and don’t take things so personally.

My suggestion would be to go out and recruit some new members.

In all seriousness, The task of keeping religious institutions alive in these difficult times is much harder than most people realize. There’s still a naive belief that religious institutions run on prayers and songs and are immune to the crushing burden of budgets. In the end, the truth is we can sustain our houses of worship only if we’re willing to sacrifice for them.