Dear Abby: My son “Clay” has been married seven years. There are times I like to discuss things of a personal nature with him having to do with our family, and I have asked him not to mention our talks with his wife. These discussions have nothing to do with her.

The problem is whatever he tells her, she repeats to her whole family. I do not want our personal problems and other matters to be known by everyone.

My other son has no trouble keeping our talks just between us, but Clay says he and his wife have “no secrets” from each other. Abby, is it OK to ask a married son or daughter not to divulge things to a spouse that have nothing to do with her or him?

—Confidentially in St. Louis

Dear Confidentially: It’s OK to ask; it’s also OK to say no. When Clay married his wife, she became part of your family. Now that you know your son keeps no secrets from his wife, and that she leaks like a sieve, the better part of wisdom would be to stop confiding in him. Don’t you think?

Scar staring upsets girl

Dear Abby: I am a 16-year-old girl. I recently had open heart surgery and my doctor did a really bad job at the “stitching up.”My scar is oversized and crooked.

People look at me all the time and ask me about it. I hate wearing certain shirts because of it. Why can’t people realize this scar saved my life and stop staring at it? Please, I need some advice.

—Scarred in Minnesota

Dear Scarred: People look at your scar because it is different. They do not mean to stare or make you uncomfortable. A way to take control of the situation would be, when you see someone looking at your chest, to say, “I had open heart surgery. This scar saved my life.” If you are asked about it, answer any questions honestly. That will take the mystery out of it—and word will get around.

Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P. O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069.