Dear Abby: This is in response to "Where8s the Fun in Upstate New York" (July 26), whose husband, "Hugh," insisted they buy their grandson a $100 savings bond for his first birthday when she wanted to splurge on toys and clothes. I understand her frustration.

Couples should decide together what to do, not tell the other what will be done. That said, I agree with Hugh that $100 to $150 on gifts for a 1-year-old is excessive. The child8s room will soon look like an overloaded toy store. I have seen this in our extended family. At Christmas it took 2z hour 1/3 to open all the gifts. Egads! We8ve become a nation of excess, and kids expect it.

Years ago, I approached the parents of our godchildren with the offer of savings bonds on holidays, which they gratefully accepted. Two of the "children" are now in college, and we8re pleased we lifted a bit of the burden of the cost they8ll face.

—Sensible in Iowa

Dear Sensible: The majority of those who wrote to comment on the letter from "Where8s the Fun" were—like you—as concerned about the state of the woman8s marriage as the gift issue. Read on:

Dear Abby: Some spouses suffer from "economic abuse" when one partner dominates financial decisions. I agree that a baby won8t be impressed by pricey items, but this woman8s gift choices are a form of self-expression. She should be allowed the joy of choosing presents and enjoying her grandbaby, especially since she contributes to household finances, but even if she didn8t. Sometimes these gifts become treasured keepsakes passed through generations.

—Giving My Two Cents8 Worth in Abilene

Dear Abby: While the adults in my life did give me toys and material things for my birthdays and holidays, I am 26 now and I have little recollection of what they were. What I know now is that because of the generous gifts of savings bonds from those loved ones, my fiance and I were able to make a down payment on a beautiful home without being "house poor." Those bonds allowed us to make a major step forward in our lives and be comfortable and secure.

It means the world that the adults who loved me and are no longer with me are part of this house and my new life, even though they could not be at my wedding.

—Sarah in Houston Dear Abby: My husband and I decided early on that we8d open a joint bank account and place half of each of our earnings into it. I opened another account in my name only for the other half. That way, if we disagreed on something —such as a gift—I could buy it myself. It has worked well.

I do agree that for the child8s first birthday, Hugh8s idea is best. The child will appreciate it when he8s older.

—Deborah in Marietta