Dear Miss Manners: What is the correct response when people tell me to smile? I am not at a photographer’s studio or where photos are being taken. I’m just going about my business.

The other evening, I was waiting for my husband to bring the car around to the door to go home from a social function we had attended. An acquaintance was getting her coat at the coat check. We exchanged some pleasantries when out of the blue she told me to smile.

I told her that really annoys me when people say that to me. After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, we bid each other good night.

This request to smile has happened to me more than once. I am a reserved person and not one who goes around grinning from ear to ear. I’m not sad or mad. I’m just me.

How should I handle this request?

Gentle Reader: It is indeed both common and rude to command others to smile, as if this conferred a favor by improving their outlook on life.

Miss Manners was once told this by a stranger on an airplane, although she was dressed in black from head to toe, on her way to attend a funeral. Later she regretted that she had restrained herself from bursting into tears.

Still, your chastising the offender was rude. You could have conveyed the point politely by asking, “Why? Did you say something amusing?”

Splitting the bill

Dear Miss Manners: My wife and I have been paying for our granddaughters’ private elementary school tuition. We would like the other grandparents to take turns or to share the costs.

Should we ask them directly by phone, write them a letter or ask my son-in- law to speak to them?

Gentle Reader: It seems fair enough, doesn’t it? After all, the children are their grandchildren, too. So why does Miss Manners smell disaster?

It is because although your generosity is commendable, it does not give you license to demand it from others. Aside from it not being your business, you cannot know these people’s resources, priorities and obligations.

What you may do is tell your daughter and son-in-law that you are finding the tuition bills something of a strain and would like to cut back to half if other resources can be found short of removing the children from their school.

Unexpected tab

Dear Miss Manners: My friend invited me for her birthday dinner at her house, which, of course I attended, and naturally I had a gift for her.

A few days after the event, she came back to me asking me for payment for dinner, and apologizing that she did not mention this detail beforehand.

I feel that this was in principle inappropriate, and I feel slighted. What do you think?How should I have reacted?

Gentle Reader: By apologizing that you did not realize it was a benefit, and commiserating with her plight. Should your friend deny being desperate, Miss Manners would forgive you for getting out your wallet and saying quietly, “Then how much do you charge for celebrating your birthday?”

No time limit on apology

Dear Miss Manners: Is there a time limit after which one should not offer an apology for fear of raising a hopefully long-forgotten ugly experience back into the mind of the one offended?

Gentle Reader: Miss Manners has news for you: They remember. And no, there is no statute of limitations absolving you of apologizing.