Dear Abby: I often go to the movies with my friend “Valerie.” During the movie she puts her phone on mute, but I can still hear when it vibrates. Val acts embarrassed by it, but she never turns the phone off.

As soon as the movie ends, Val will check her phone for the message. (It’s never anything that couldn’t wait.) Then she returns the call and talks to the caller all the way out of the theater and to her car where we say our goodbyes.

The last time we went to a film, I met her at a cinema miles from where I live, battling rush-hour traffic. When I arrived, she was standing in line with her exercise instructor. They spent the extra hour before the movie began discussing workout techniques, completely ignoring me and the instructor’s husband. Val also “had” to place a call to a co-worker while we waited.

When Valerie calls me, she’ll interrupt me in mid-sentence to take a non-emergency call from family. She promises to call me right back, but never does. Abby, I value her friendship, but I’m tired of her rudeness. I’m not good at confrontations. What can I do?

—Second Banana

Dear Second Banana: The relationship you have with Val is not what I would call friendship. Friends enjoy each other’s company and enjoy talking with each other. Friends are sensitive to each other’s feelings. With each of the actions you have described, Val is demonstrating that you—and your feelings—are less important than what she impulsively decides to do at the moment.

Under the circumstances, I don’t think it would be “confrontational” to tell this woman that your feelings are hurt and why. From where I sit, she has treated you like nothing more than a seat partner.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at

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