There were tears—of course. And accompanying “Say it ain’t so” pleas all over America’s social networking sites. And reaction stories everywhere there was a news organization capable of reacting to anything at all.

Oprah Winfrey announced seven days ago that, yes, there was a freshness date on her daily, culture-determining syndicated soirees: The end of the 2010-11 season.

By late 2011, then, all those local TV news outfits benefiting from her metric bonanza will have to get a new lead-in.

So it’s high time, after a week of emotion from her fans, for a little hacking around, I think. Here’s a little Oprah Winfrey retirement quiz for you.

1. The most meaningful moment in Oprah Winfrey’s hourlong interview with Sarah Palin was:

A: Palin saying that a presidential run was currently not on her “radar.”

B: Palin calling Katie Couric “the perky one.”

C: Palin saying that her new grandson’s father, Levi Johnston, was welcome—more or less—for Thanksgiving dinner at chez Palin despite his photo spread in Playgirl Magazine.

D. The midshow promotional billboard for Oprah’s show the next day announcing that it would be all about women and erotica and would feature an interview with porn superstar Jenna Jameson.

Answer: D. That is Oprah Winfrey’s genius. None of the “Sarah Meets Oprah” stories mentioned it but there, in a nutshell, is the Sweeps Week genius of Oprah Winfrey—that she could turn America upside down by launching Sarah Palin’s bestseller and then, the next day, have a chat with the famous porn star who wrote “How to Make Love Like a Porn Star.” (Question you DON’T ask a porn star: “How’s tricks?”)

2. The reason Oprah Winfrey will be leaving the syndicated talk show is:

A: Her upcoming cable network, the Oprah Winfrey Network( OWN—is that great or what?) in 2011 will require a lot of her energies to program, maintain and, undoubtedly, to appear on daily.

B. The thought of another Tom Cruise interview literally makes her physically ill.

C. All those places Rosie O’Donnell keeps going—including Howard Stern’s satellite radio smirkfest—and saying that Oprah and BFF Gayle King have a lesbian relationship. Which thereby lead to supermarket tabloid speculation about a rift between Oprah and King who, according to the tabloids, wants to sue Rosie back to Long Island.

D. A little less visibility and centrality in American culture might be welcome after all those years (see C)—especially now that her appointed president is having his own public relations problems.

Answer: You’re on your own. I lean toward a mixture of A and D. You can multiply that times 20 if Rosie is right and a smaller cable show would be a safer harbor for someone who had kept her real life secret for a long time.

3. Oprah Winfrey’s least favorite author is:

A: Jonathan Franzen, who stiffed her show despite his book being Oprah-clubbed and wrote condescendingly about it, generally comporting himself literarily and personally as an elitist ingrate despite the middlebrow door that had been thrown open for him.

B. James Frey, drug memoirist and fabricator.

C. All Winfrey family members and friends who neglect to tell The Queen of Us All that they’ve negotiated tell-all book deals.

D. Rosie O’Donnell (for obvious reasons, outlined in question 2.)

Answer: Definitely not B. Her second show with Frey, wherein she tore him a new one, did more to restore her reputation for integrity than anything since she finally relented and decided to plug her Broadway show on Letterman. Despite the nettlesome and reckless big-mouth bloggadoccio of Rosie, I still think the answer is A.

Put it this way: If the only two people on a Willis (formerly Sears) Tower express elevator going up were Oprah Winfrey and Jonathan Franzen, the two of them might set the skyscraper record for fuming, resentful silence between two human beings.

4. The most likely candidate for ascent to Oprahhood when she hangs up the syndicated mic (and let’s get real here: This is one loonnnngggg goodbye) is:

A. Gayle King.

B. Sarah Palin.

C. Dr. Phil.

D. Rachael Ray.

E. Rosie O’Donnell.

F. Katie Couric.

G. No one. Ever.

Answer: G. No matter whom they snag for “Follow Oprah” duty, her role in American television is no more replicable than Johnny Carson’s was —and he too, after 30 years, finally came to the conclusion that, after all that power-mongering, there is no point in having all that money unless you actually found enjoyable things to do with it.

If that is what she decided. To many, President Winfrey has a much snappier ring to it than President Palin.