Dear Abby: I am 36. My husband is 60. We have been together for 10 years. During the first four years we got along great, but he now says he wants to have affairs.
He texts women and tries to hide it from me. I found out he was texting his first ex-wife. It made me uncomfortable, so I asked him to stop. He didn’t. When I realized he hadn’t, I told him I would leave if it happens again. This kind of behavior has been going on for more than half our marriage.
I am at the point where I don’t want to cuddle or be affectionate with him at all. He commented the other day that he should be allowed to have an affair because I mentioned that I find Hemingway interesting. (He was known for affairs.)
I’m at a loss. I care for my husband and don’t want to hurt him. But I’m also scared that I can’t afford to be on my own. A little advice?
– Unsure in Washington
Dear Unsure: Hemingway was also known for his drinking and big-game hunting. Is your husband considering doing those things, too?
If ever I heard of a couple who could benefit from marriage counseling, it’s you two. As it stands, your marriage is broken. Counseling may help. If it doesn’t and you don’t have a job, find one and figure out a way to cut your expenses so you CAN afford to be on your own, because it looks like you will be.
Get drunk customer a taxi
Dear Abby: I am an aesthetician who works as a waxing specialist. A customer of mine came in a short while ago and admitted to driving to my salon while drunk. She mentioned she had almost crashed her car getting here, and I could smell the liquor on her breath.
She is one of my regular customers, but I am very against drunk driving. How would I professionally handle this? I wanted to report it, but I didn’t know what car she was driving or where she was headed. How should this be handled in the future?
– Conflicted in San Francisco
Dear Conflicted: Because you know the woman well, you might say, “You nearly crashed your car getting here. I care about you too much to let you drive home like this. I’m calling you a taxi. Pick up your car tomorrow.”
When she’s sober again and comes in for her next appointment, tell her how worried you were about her. There are two ways to lose a customer. One is by offending her. The other is by letting her kill herself behind the wheel because she’s so drunk she can’t see straight. So let your conscience guide you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 60069.