Q. As a nurse, I was appalled by your answer to the woman who wanted to have sex more than once every three months (Her husband did not). You implied that she had an “overactive libido,” and that the problem was all hers.
Perhaps her husband should get some testing to rule out low testosterone. Maybe he is gay but in the closet. Who knows?
A. Although we were answering the reader’s question, a number of people disagreed with our response. Another reader wrote that only wanting to make love every three months is a problem, and that the husband should seek medical treatment.
A gynecologist scolded: “Do you really think that the best answer is to tamp down her libido? She’s not the one with the problem.” Like you, he suggested that the husband might have low testosterone, or he might be struggling with his sexuality or having an affair.
The woman in question is 34. We agree that desiring sex two or three times a week does not represent an overactive libido. Her husband may indeed have a hormonal imbalance or some other problem that needs to be addressed in counseling.
Some people truly wish to suppress their sex drive, but there are no Food and Drug Administration-approved treatments for this purpose. Many medications, including antidepressants and progesterone, can cause sexual dysfunction or lowered libido as a side effect. We don’t think that is an appropriate solution, however. Some readers report that spearmint tea may calm an overactive libido.