Dear Miss Manners: I saw a post on social media that was a link to a website for friends to donate to a couple who recently bought a house. This couple justified this by writing they were never going to have a wedding and suggested people think of the savings of not having to purchase formal wear to attend a wedding. Instead, they are asking for donations to purchase things and make upgrades on their new home.
I know my feelings on the subject but am curious how Miss Manners feels about this request.
Gentle Reader: Really? You can’t guess Miss Manners’ feelings about this?
Chiefly, she feels that it must be hard to resist telling them, “That’s very considerate, but you needn’t have worried about me. I wouldn’t have gone to your wedding anyway.”
Souvenirs trouble student
Dear Miss Manners: I am a college student studying abroad on a budget in London, a very expensive city. I’d love to bring home gifts for many of my friends and family, but I feel that it isn’t financially feasible to do so for more than a few people.
Should I buy gifts only for my closest friends, not all of whom have gotten me gifts when they went abroad? Buy something small and affordable for a wider circle of people?
Should I bother buying gifts if the only affordable ones I can find are cliche touristy gifts (mugs or clothes with “London” emblazoned on them), rather than gifts that really appeal to my friends’ and family members’ interests and that they would actually appreciate?
Gentle Reader: Etiquette does not require returning from a trip laden with presents for everyone you left behind. As an optional gesture, it can be delightful, but as a habit it only encourages others to replace “Welcome home!” with “What did you bring me?”
Miss Manners hopes that your friends are not in the habit of giving you silly souvenirs of places you did not go. The last she checked, London was full of secondhand book stores where you might find something to address their individual interests.
Save snacks for after games
Dear Miss Manners: I play role-playing games (like Dungeons and Dragons), and I always show up with snacks for everyone. Nine times out of 10, the other guys fail to bring anything, and what they have is for personal consumption. What is the polite way to play?
Gentle Reader: With this crowd, Miss Manners recommends after dinner.
This column was co-written by Judith Martin’s daughter, Jacobina Martin.