Dear Abby: My daughter-in-law had an affair with a co-worker and is now pregnant by him. She swears she loves my son and won’t leave him, but insists that her lover be a part of the baby’s life. My son is torn. They have two small children and he doesn’t want to break up the family. How can he continue to trust her?
My husband refuses to have her in our house. She can be vindictive to those she feels have “wronged” her, and I’m afraid she’ll keep us from the grandchildren. My son used to go to church before she came along, but they no longer go. We sought legal advice for him and he knows the score in that regard. Abby, how can we make him see this woman is no good for him?
– Heavy-Hearted Mother in Georgia
Dear Mother: If I were you, I’d stop trying. Your son has made his choice, which is to keep his family together. If that means accepting that his wife will maintain a relationship with her lover and, in essence, her baby will have “two daddies,” that’s the way it’s going to be.
While I understand your husband’s anger, as long as your son is willing to tolerate the situation, there is nothing to be gained by banning your daughter-in-law from the premises. Because you mentioned church, pray for the strength to support your son through this because he’s going to need it. I’m sure he is fully aware that his wife isn’t “good” for him, but he’s trying to take the high road anyway. So try to be supportive.
A question of trust
Dear Abby: I’m a 15-year-old girl who’s involved with social media. My parents have always been protective. A few days ago they asked me for the passwords to my Twitter, Facebook and email accounts. I understand they’re trying to protect me, but the fact that they don’t trust me by now is upsetting. I tried telling them this, and they say they DO trust me, but they still want my passwords. Is this a contradiction? I need some independence, and they don’t seem to understand that.
– Losing My Mind in Tacoma, Wash.
Dear Losing Your Mind: It’s not a contradiction if you read some of the news coverage on the Internet about young people who have committed suicide because they were hounded by cyberbullies. It’s not a contradiction if you consider that sometimes bad things happen at parties that aren’t properly supervised.
If, God forbid, you should “disappear,” your parents and the police would want to know who had been communicating with you and what was said.
Do not overreact to their concern. While it would have been better if they had given you a reason for their request, I doubt they’ll be reading over your shoulder. Most parents don’t spend a lot of time doing that unless they have some reason to mistrust their teenager.