Dear Abby: I have been divorced five years and have five children, ranging in age from 23 to 8. When I was having trouble with my middle son, “Logan,” I found help from his godfather, “Carl.” I hadn’t seen Carl in years. He was my ex’s best friend when Logan was born. Long story short, Carl and I have been in a committed relationship for two years now. He has been more a part of our lives than my ex has. Four of my kids love Carl, and he is very involved in their lives. Logan, however, hates him and throws a fit if his name is mentioned. I have tried to explain that I didn’t intend this to happen, but Logan feels I “took away his godfather from him.” Carl is still there for him, but Logan will have none of it and refuses to listen. Carl and I mainly spend time together on the weekends we don’t have our kids, or meet for lunch or breakfast. I’m at a loss. Logan is now 17. I don’t want to lose Carl. He’s a great man and wants what’s best for me and the kids. What should I do?
– Pulled in Two Directions in Canada
Dear Pulled: Logan may be 17, but he is acting like a child. Do not let his behavior discourage you from having a life. In another year he will be 18 and either concentrating on finishing his education or finding a job. Logan needs to realize that he hasn’t “lost” a godfather and that everyone may eventually be gaining a stepdad. He also needs to understand that if he can’t accept it, he will find himself the odd man out in an otherwise healthy, happy and functional family.
Celebrate with ‘Pie Night’
Dear Abby: I would like to share a Thanksgiving tradition our family has enjoyed for years. We realized that after a big holiday dinner we weren’t ready to eat a lot of dessert, so we started having “Pie Night” the evening before Thanksgiving. After a light meal we could enjoy the various pies or cakes family members brought. It became one of our favorite traditions. My father suggested it as a social event/fundraiser to the pastor of our local church, and it was one of their best-attended events. Our family is scattered across the country now, but those times were some of my favorites, and I thought some of your readers might like to incorporate it into their holiday celebrations, too.
– Good Times in Arizona
Dear Good Times: They might, indeed, especially if they are trying to spread those extra calories over a longer period. (And it would be a good idea to exercise the day after they indulge.) Thanks for the suggestion.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 60069.