Dear Abby: Our niece “Bonnie” has severe attachment problems. She still lives in her parents’ home and is well into her 50s. Her father passed away several years ago, and her mother seems to be her only friend.
Bonnie has never had a serious relationship and has spent her life at one job and with her parents. Vacations and holidays have been spent with them only. Bonnie rarely accepts an invitation unless her mom is invited, does not communicate unless we reach out to her first and is very private about the smallest details in her life.
Her mother is aging and we are wondering how Bonnie will manage once her mom is gone. How do we approach someone who seriously needs help and guidance?
– Caring Aunt in Pittsburgh
Dear Caring Aunt: I can think of two ways. The first would be to discuss this privately with Bonnie’s mother and ask if there is anything she would like you to do for her daughter in the event of a serious illness or her death. It is a legitimate question if Bonnie is unable to live independently, and her mother might appreciate that you cared enough to ask.
The second would be to reach out to Bonnie in the event that something does happen to her mother, and let her know that you love her and will be there for her if she needs you. Keep in mind that you cannot force help on anyone who is unwilling to accept it.
Insecure about looks
Dear Abby: I’m 11 and in the sixth grade. I am very self-conscious. Every girl in my grade has a bigger chest than me, and I am feeling insecure because mine isn’t developed.
I know I am young, but I want to fit in. Every day I feel horrible about myself. Can you help?
– Insecure Sixth-Grader
Dear Insecure: I’ll try. No two people are alike, and our bodies do not develop at the same time. For some girls, it happens sooner and they begin to develop breasts as early as age 9. For others, it doesn’t happen until they are in their teens.
Your value should not be measured by your chest size. Believe me, the size of your IQ is far more important. The kind of person you are is more important.
Gift for destination wedding?
Dear Abby: When spending thousands of dollars to attend a destination wedding, are you expected to give a gift to the bride and groom?
– Jennifer in New York
Dear Jennifer: Yes, but after shelling out “thousands” to attend a wedding, it does not have to be an expensive one. A token gift to mark the occasion would be enough.
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