Dear Abby: Can you be sexually harassed/abused by your spouse? My husband talks dirty to me and grabs at my breasts. I have repeatedly asked him to stop, but he doesn’t listen and continues to do it. We have two small kids at home, and by the time they go to bed, I could care less about being intimate.
His behavior disgusts me, and to be honest, I don’t want to have sex with him. I have female problems and have told him it hurts, but it makes no difference to him. He touches me in front of the kids, and I have to slap his hand away.
I can’t leave him because I don’t have a car or income for myself, nor do I have family or friends close by. What would you suggest, and is it harassment – and could I press charges?
– Leave My Aura Alone
Dear Aura: You have mentioned so many problems in your short letter that it’s hard to know where to begin. While your husband’s attempts at foreplay are beyond clumsy and ineffective, I can’t help but feel some sympathy for him because it appears you have him on a starvation diet.
How long this can continue for either of you is uncertain. Rather than try to charge harassment, why not schedule an appointment with your gynecologist and find out WHY having sex is painful for you. Marriage counseling might also help, because it’s clear you and your husband aren’t communicating on any meaningful level.
If these problems are not resolvable, you can’t continue living like this and neither can he. Because your family isn’t nearby and you have no transportation, call or write them and let them know you may need their help to return. If they are unable to help you, contact a domestic abuse hotline. Unwanted sexual advances could be considered harassment, and sex without consent is rape.
Don’t point fingers
Dear Abby: Is it ever appropriate for a diner to lick his/her fingers in public, like when eating finger food or barbecue? It drives me nuts!
When I try to get the person in question to use a napkin, I’m looked at as if I’ve lost my mind! At the very least, our hands are covered with germs, and who wants to stick them in their mouth? Yecch.
– Grossed Out in Ohio
Dear Grossed Out: I think it depends upon the circumstances in which the food is being served. If someone is eating canapes at a cocktail party, licking the fingers is a no-no. And most barbecue joints provide moist towelettes to their patrons.
On the other hand, Col. Sanders used to call his fried chicken “finger lickin’ good.” At a picnic or informal gathering, it’s perfectly acceptable to lick one’s fingers, and I confess I have probably done it, so I’m not going to cast aspersions.