Dear Abby: Before my ex-husband and I were married, I became pregnant with his baby. We decided together that we weren’t ready for the responsibility and made the mutual decision to end the pregnancy early in the first trimester. We did marry eventually and had a baby girl a few years ago who is now in college.
We divorced many years ago because of his many affairs, including one with his best friend’s wife. I have come to believe that my ex told our daughter about our decision out of spite because I told her about the affairs when she was old enough to understand since she may have a half-sister.
Should I ask my daughter about this or let it go? It was a very private decision, and I think he is a creep for hurting her by telling her.
– Furious in Illinois
Dear Furious: Why do you think your ex spilled the beans to your daughter? Has she been behaving differently toward you? Why do you think she “may” have a half-sister? Are you sure it isn’t more than one – or a brother or two?
The fact that you terminated a pregnancy before your daughter’s birth has nothing to do with her. If you think there is something festering between you and your daughter, my advice is to clear the air before it gets worse.
How to spoil a man
Dear Abby: My boyfriend and I have been together since August 2012 and have lived together since last summer. He is perfect in every way. He wakes me every morning with a smile and a kiss and pours me a cup of tea. He never goes anywhere without letting me know he thinks I’m beautiful and telling me how much he loves me.
He gets home before I do most nights, has a glass of wine and a hot bath waiting for me, and cooks dinner while I’m in the tub. He’s amazing! The only problem is, I was with sooo many of the wrong men for years, I have forgotten how to spoil a man in return.
I want him to know how much I appreciate and love him, but I don’t know how. I just want him to know he’s the one I want to sit on the porch with one day, watching our grandchildren play. I don’t want to lose him because he thinks I don’t appreciate all he does. Please help.
– Knows A Good Thing in New Jersey
Dear Knows: When your boyfriend does something for you, thank him for it. Tell him you love him and give him affection in abundance. Express how fortunate you feel to have him in your life. Look for things you can do that will make his life easier, and put forth an effort to reciprocate the many thoughtful things he does for you.
Every man is different, but this would be a good start in getting your message across.