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Dear Abby: I grew up in a family that looked perfect from the outside, but was far from it. My parents tried to shield us from most of the problems, but because I’m the oldest, I remember a lot. My parents both had affairs.

My siblings recently learned about the affair Dad had because Mom told them, but they have no idea about the one Mom had. Because of this, my brother hardly speaks to Dad. Mom was diagnosed with a mental disorder when I was a child. I remember her violent outbursts. I know Dad stayed only for us. We’re all adults now, and my parents are divorced. My brother blames Dad for everything. I want my family to be able to attend milestones without turmoil. I don’t know how to make this better. Please help.

– Doesn’t Want The Turmoil

Dear Doesn’t: Making this better may take the help of a licensed professional and some family counseling – provided everyone is willing to cooperate. But don’t count on your mother. She doesn’t appear to be interested in healing any breaches. Because you are all adults, your siblings should know the entire story about your parents’ infidelities – particularly your brother, so his relationship with Dad can be repaired.

Celebrating 25th

Dear Abby: Our son recently told us he will be proposing to his girlfriend before Christmas. We’re happy for him, but concerned that he’ll want to get married next year, which will be our 25th anniversary.

We can’t afford to celebrate our 25th the way we want to and help with their expensive wedding.

We have always taken care of our son, but we feel 2014 is “our” time. How can we tell him without feeling guilty?

– Parents Of The Future Groom