Dear Abby: My boyfriend, “Caleb,” and I have been dating for three years. I’m sure he’ll propose within the next few months. I’m having a problem with this because Caleb’s best friend, “A.J.,” will be proposing to his girlfriend in the next month. They should be able to enjoy their time and let all their friends know.
Caleb has always followed A.J.’s lead. When A.J. buys his girlfriend jewelry, I get jewelry. It makes me feel like an afterthought and that the gifts are not sincere.
If Caleb does propose close to the time that A.J. does, I’m going to say no. I don’t want a copycat engagement so my boyfriend can keep up with his best friend. Please advise.
– Coming In Second in New York
Dear Coming In Second: You appear to be frustrated because your boyfriend has a recessive personality and is a follower. It is unlikely that he is going to change. Frankly, Caleb doesn’t appear to be mature enough to be making decisions with lifelong consequences. You might be much happier with someone who is his own man.
Don’t be a target for teasing
Dear Abby: A year and a half ago, my doctor diagnosed me with ADHD. The medication I take is a stimulant and it curbs my appetite. I take it before school and it wears off by midafternoon. Because of this, I don’t feel hungry at lunchtime.
My teachers and schoolmates have noticed. They try to persuade me to eat, but I tell them I had a big breakfast or I’m just not hungry.
I know they mean well, but I want them to understand that I’m not anorexic. I don’t want them to know I have ADHD because some of them make fun of people who do. Do you have any suggestions?
– Anonymous in Iowa
Dear Anonymous: The principal of your school should be told that you are on doctor-prescribed medication that suppresses your appetite so that information can be shared with the teachers who supervise the cafeteria. That way you will receive less pressure to eat from the adults. Your classmates do not have to know.
If someone accuses you of being anorexic, just say that your doctor has told you your weight is normal. It’s a shame they would tease someone who has ADHD because it’s a condition that so many students and adults share. However, because you feel it would make you a target, you’re wise to say nothing.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 60069.