Dear Abby: I am a woman in an exclusive, committed relationship with “Vince.” We have talked about a future together and getting married. My only issue is I can’t seem to keep him off of dating sites. Even when I catch Vince red-handed, he’ll deny it or blame it on his friend “using his ID.”
I have asked him over and over to delete the sites, but he won’t. He continues to tell me he’s in love with me and wants only me. He says I’m the woman of his dreams. If that’s true, there should be no need for him to look anymore, right?
Please help me understand his obsession, and if there are any tools I can use to be more effective to talk to Vince about this.
– Fuming in Florida
Dear Fuming: Your communication tools are just fine. Your ability to recognize when someone is stringing you along is what needs improvement.
You may feel you are in a committed relationship, but Vince appears to be less committed than you are. Worse, he also has a problem telling the truth. If Vince wanted only you and was ready to settle down, he wouldn’t compulsively look online to see who else is available.
Offer children your support
Dear Abby: I’m conflicted about my role in supporting my children through the death of my ex-wife. We divorced 25 years ago. There was no significant other in her life. I would like to support them emotionally, but I feel the burial, funeral, etc., are matters for their family and her relatives.
My question is, am I right? And how soon should I go and be with my children? We have been in close touch, and I believe they know that I care and I’m here for them. They live across the country, so the distance and cost of transportation are concerns.
– Conflicted in Texas
Dear Conflicted: I’m sure no one expects you to contribute financially to the funeral of someone from whom you have been divorced for a quarter of a century. However, you should ask your adult children if they would like you to attend for emotional support. Because they are all grown and presumably busy with their lives, if your presence isn’t needed at the funeral, you could schedule a family reunion at a time when it’s convenient for all of you.
Party invite carries weight
Dear Abby: Does being invited to an engagement party “guarantee” you will also be invited to the wedding?
– Looking Ahead in Washington, D.C.
Dear Looking Ahead: Yes, it does. And for that not to happen is a HUGE breach of etiquette on the part of whoever is hosting the wedding, whether it’s the bride’s parents or the couple themselves.