Try pronouncing these ...

If you thought HSBC was a tough acronym to remember, wait until you try BNHVMA.

Or SCLLCBMYNTT-MTE. Two local institutions recently replaced their perfectly useful, easy-to-remember names with tongue-twisters.

First, the Amherst Museum was re-branded to highlight the full breadth of its activities and programs.

Hence, the Buffalo Niagara Heritage Village and Museum at Amherst was born, a title that has it all. Literally.

Then the venerable Buffalo Muny Tennis Tournament announced a new name to reflect two new sponsors.

Tennis players will now lob returns and serve aces at the Sargent&Collins LLC Buffalo MYNT Tournament — a Miller Tennis Event.

Good luck fitting all of that on the tournament T-shirts smaller than XXL.

Call a professional ...

Safecrackers usually go to Buffalo’s federal courthouse to be prosecuted.

But one showed up to work. Last November, courthouse employees found an old safe tucked away in a corner of the old courthouse, but they did not have the combination and could not open it, said Molly Schaus of the U. S. District Court Clerk’s office, who helped move court operations to the new courthouse on Niagara Square.

Court officials wanted to know if anything important was in the safe.

So they turned to Mark Swetland, who runs a local company and bills himself as “The Real Deal Safecracker.”

“Mark came over, put on kneepads and worked on the safe for 45 minutes. He had a flashlight over his head and was sweating like crazy,” Schaus said.

Ultimately, Swetland used a drill to crack the safe. Some old documents were inside, but nothing of great value.

Idol judicial speculation ...

Speculation surrounding who will fill vacancies in higher courts has always been rife in the Erie County Courthouse.

With open seats at the Appellate Division, Fourth Department, in Rochester, lawyers are wondering which State Supreme Court justice in Erie County will get a coveted appointment.

Given his reputation, Justice Patrick NeMoyer is usually mentioned.

But not everyone is convinced he’s headed to Rochester. At an Old County Hall ceremony honoring those who won judicial elections last November, attorney Scott M. Schwartz introduced Ne- Moyer to the audience as a potential candidate for other openings.

NeMoyer could go to “Orchard Park Town Court; the Appellate Division, choose department; Federal District Court, choose a district; the International Court of Justice at the Hague; or be the fourth judge on ‘American Idol.’ ”

New, improved IRA ...

It’s Chris Fahey vs. Mickey Kearns in the March 20 special election for the 145th Assembly District, which for many years has sent an assemblyman of Irish descent to the Capitol.

So when Kearns snared the GOP nomination a few days ago, First Amendment Club President John Duke couldn’t resist a new label for Kearns volunteers: the Irish Republican Army.

New rankings — go figure ...

How Buffalo fares in various city rankings usually raises eyebrows.

But two recent rankings seem especially hard to reconcile.

Supposedly, we’re sensitive — when we’re not drunk.

Chemistry.com, a dating site, ranks Buffalo fifth on its Top 10 Cities to Find a Sensitive Man. The results are based on Chemistry.com user data. Maybe the users are fond of the Sabres, whose sensitive forwards refrain from any rough stuff and whose sensitive defensemen share the puck with opponents.

Apparently the users did not date the drinkers among us.

The Daily Beast analyzed survey data from a market-research firm and recently ranked Buffalo 16th in its America’s Top 25 Drunkest Cities list.

The survey found one in five Buffalo residents are binge drinkers and 9 per-cent are heavy drinkers. We’re guessing they watch the Sabres, too.

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Written with contributions from The News' Dan Herbeck, Robert  J. McCarthy and Stephen T. Watson.

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