Dear Miss Manners: Is it considered rude to dress in weather-appropriate shorts and T-shirts if doing so reveals scars that are obviously self-inflicted?
My hard times are long behind me, and the scars are all faded and white, although they’ll always be pretty obvious. For many summers, I’ve tolerated the discomfort of wearing long pants and sleeves through the heat waves, and I’m tired of (falsely) insisting to well-meaning people that, no, I’m not too hot in these clothes.
I’m aware that if I wear clothing that makes the scars visible, I’ll get even more questions and looks from (less well-meaning) people. I don’t want to burden anyone with troubles from my past, but I’m tired of roasting through summers.
Would it be improper of me to wear clothing that exposes my arms or legs on a hot day? What is a polite way to deal with stares and questions, whether about scars or excessive clothing in high temperatures?
Gentle Reader: As you are already spending summers dodging annoying questions, you should at least make yourself comfortable.
Many factors determine proper dress: the season, the weather, the occasion; national, regional and social customs; the prevailing symbolism, and so on. However, Miss Manners is outraged at demands that disfigurement or heavy weight or signs of age should prevent people from wearing bathing suits or other revealing but respectable clothing in the proper context.
Of course it is not rude of you to wear short-sleeved shirts and shorts under informal circumstances. It is rude of others to stare and ask questions.
But you know they will. You need reply nothing more than, “You’re kind to worry about me, but I’m fine. These are very old scars.”
Owner’s tip isn’t required
Dear Miss Manners: For meetings, I periodically place a to-go order with a local restaurant for 10 to 20 people. The owner of the restaurant asked for a tip.
Is this standard practice? I have not tipped for carry-out unless delivered.
Gentle Reader: It is not the custom to insult the owner of a business by offering him a tip. Unfortunately, Miss Manners understands that it has indeed become a frequent practice of owners to request being insulted.
As with other requests for handouts, one need not comply. If you feel an explanation is necessary, you could say, “Of course I tip employees, who make so little, but aren’t you the owner?”