Dear Abby: Legal marijuana is making my best friend stupid, boring and insipid. “Karen” and I are in our 50s and have been best friends off and on since childhood. A decade ago, we started taking better care of our friendship because so few longtime friends were still in our lives. Since then, I have been careful not to be judgmental or condescending, because it was the source of past friction.
Karen is a regular marijuana user, which has sapped away all of her ambition and curiosity. Even when she isn’t actually high, she lacks the cleverness and mental acuity I have always treasured about her. Otherwise, her life is functional. She’s in a good marriage, loves her pets and enjoys her job. I think if I said anything, it would cause a major rift.
Should I just limit our time together and accept this is how things are going to be from now on? I’m a widow who has lost my parents and others to illness. I have other friends and family, but I don’t want to lose my old chum, even though being around her is starting to make me sad.
– Friendship Going to Pot in California
Dear F.G.T.P.: As people grow older, long and well-established relationships become more precious. But as much as we might wish otherwise, relationships do not always remain the same. Because you are no longer receiving what you need from your interactions with Karen, I agree you may need to see her less often.
In light of your long relationship, I don’t think it would be offensive to tell her you have noticed a change in her and you miss the person she used to be. However, are you absolutely certain that what you have observed is caused by marijuana? If you’re not, then consider sharing your observation with Karen’s husband, in case her lack of sharpness could be the result of another medication she’s using or a neurological problem.
Please don’t open her door
Dear Abby: My boyfriend wants to open the door for me when I am the one driving. I’m thrilled that he wants to be a gentleman, and I love when he opens the door for me when I am in the passenger seat or in front of any other door, as he always does. I am just not comfortable with it when I’m the one who’s driving. It seems awkward to me. Your thoughts?
– At A Loss in Colorado
Dear At A Loss: Your boyfriend may do this because he wants to please you, or he was raised this way. Personally, I think what he’s doing is endearing. However, because it makes you uncomfortable, explain that it “isn’t necessary” and you would prefer he not do it when you are the driver.
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