Dear Abby: I have been dating “Vernon” for six months. We were great together from the day we met. It was like we’d known each other forever and could talk for hours. We talked every night and it was amazing.
Two weeks ago, I was raped by a man I thought was a friend. When I told Vernon, he was shocked and didn’t know how to handle it. I was hoping we could get past it, but two nights ago he said he can no longer be intimate with me because he feels like he is doing something wrong, or I won’t like it.
He said he loves talking to me and still wants to be friends. We have continued talking every night, but it is hard for me to do as just his friend.
Do you think he will be able to get over these feelings and be with me again? Should I remain friends when I have feelings for him?
– Wants More in Minnesota
Dear Wants More: If you haven’t already reported the rape to the police, do it now. The man who did this to you needs to be taken out of circulation so he won’t harm another woman. You should be receiving counseling to help you get over what was done to you, and frankly, so should Vernon. Unless he can stop treating you as though you are “untouchable,” you should NOT continue the “friendship,” because what he is doing is distancing himself when you need his support the most.
Cruise nuptials create rift
Dear Abby: About a year ago I became engaged to a very special man. We have decided to be married during a weeklong cruise we have taken the past two years. We knew some family members might not be able to attend for financial reasons, so we chose to invite only two close friends as witnesses and not have our families there.
My family is OK with our decision, but his family is not pleased. They have been calling him constantly and telling him to change our plans and accommodate them, and frankly, we are sick of it. We know why they’re upset, but at the same time this is our day and they should respect our decision.
How can we get them to be more understanding and less disrespectful about how we want our wedding? Please help, because we don’t know what else to say to them.
– Soon-To-Be Newlyweds
Dear Soon-To-Be Newlyweds: It appears your fiance’s family considers weddings to be more about the joining of families and less about the wishes of the individuals involved. They expected to be included, and are hurt because they weren’t.
A way to explain your decision would be to make it less about yourselves and more about the fact that you knew some family members could not afford to make this trip, so you plan to have a reception when you return and include everybody.