Unfortunately, David is taking at least this year off. I really will miss the insanity of “Curb.”
That's because I have a lot of Larry David in me. I get easily annoyed. I'm also told that I can be as annoying as Larry David at times. And that's by people who love me.
How annoying can I be? I'm the guy who tells people talking at a movie to go to the lobby if they want to talk. If they are texting, I ask them if they didn't see the short announcement telling them to shut the darn thing off. If someone smokes inside Ralph Wilson Stadium, I call out the militia.
I also get irritated when someone is in the 7 Items or Less line at a supermarket when they have 25 items or more. I wish the checkout person would ask the customer if they can count to seven, but I've been told they're not allowed to ask. So sometimes I blurt it out myself in honor of Larry David.
You get the point. But I really, really get annoyed at some things I see and hear on and about TV. So in honor of David, I've compiled a list of TV annoyances. The “HUGE” guy doesn't make it because he is a given. Same with the “I'll buy it” commercial and the “Text 8” commercial.
You can add to my list if you want to make this participatory journalism.
Local station disputes with Time Warner: Can't they just get along? In a rerun of 2008, the owner of Channel 4 and Channel 23 is telling viewers that the stations won't be on TWC if a new deal to carry them isn't made before 5 p.m. Friday. TWC probably is as popular as cicadas or Tom Brady here, but subscribers should root for it because the more it pays the more your cable bill will increase. For more on this tiresome, annoying issue, please read my Thursday blog.
Long weather reports: If we really needed four-minute weather reports on newscasts, then why can many of the local meteorologists tell what it is going to be like outside in 30 seconds when they moonlight and give forecasts for radio stations? I wish the meteorologists would pretend they are on radio when they do their TV forecasts.
Network promos: ABC told me that I wouldn't dare miss the final five minutes of “Scandal” or the world would end. So I watched and learned the guy played by Joe Morton who wanted to kill series lead Olivia Pope (Kerry Washington) this season is her father. I don't really blame him even if she is beautiful.
Thank you, thank you, thank you: Anchors routinely thank reporters for delivering stories. It is their job. No one thanks me when I write a column or blog. Usually, I'm lucky if they don't throw something at me.
Odd start and finish show times: “Mad Men” typically runs from 10 to 11:04 p.m., which enables AMC to sell more commercials but messes up my DVR plans. On the other hand, “Mad Men” has become so strange lately that I'd rather watch the commercials. At least I understand them.
Anti-smoking PSAs at dinner: I have a love and hate relationship with these PSAs. I hate smoking more than anyone so I appreciate the message. But even I can't stomach these PSAs when they air at dinnertime and show what a horrible death lung cancer can be. I'm not sure how effective they can be since so many people change the channel as soon as the guy in the PSAs starts coughing uncontrollably.
Nobody investigates like News 4: The slogan really should be “nobody exaggerates more about investigations than News 4.” If Channel 4 did investigations so well, then it wouldn't be so desperate to find another investigative reporter.
“Mad Men” hairdos: I try to steer away from judging the looks, clothes and hairstyles of local anchors and reporters. But sometimes I think some of Channel 7's younger female reporters have so much hair that they wouldn't look out of place on “Mad Men” in the 1960s. It can be distracting.
No “Modern Family” on demand: I often forget to DVR it, which is a big mistake since the comedy hit is one of the few ABC shows that isn't carried On Demand. I've been unable to discover why, but usually the answer concerns money. TWC has told me ABC decides what goes On Demand. “Modern Family” isn't in syndication yet, so perhaps that's why it isn't On Demand. Or perhaps ABC believes it can get better rerun ratings if it keeps it off On Demand. Whatever the reason, it's a modern headache.
“This Is Home”: I really liked Channel 2's upbeat theme music when it started. But it seems to be played more than Taylor Swift songs on radio now and that spells “trouble, trouble” for me now. A little respite from the tune might make me fall in love with it again.
Bill Cowher's Time Warner Cable ad: Forget the fact that Cowher is a Pittsburgh coaching legend and apparently turned down a chance to coach the Bills. The ad for the local cable company in which he tries to coach cable workers is painfully unfunny.
2 on Your Side: A clever reader has nicknamed Channel 2's in-your-face news slogan as “2 on Your Nerves.” I wish I had thought of that.
CBLT isn't in HD: I'm not a big Mike Emrick fan so I would occasionally like to watch CBC's coverage of the Stanley Cup playoffs. Unfortunately, it isn't carried in high definition on TWC, which makes NBC and NBC Sports Network must-see TV. And Emrick's ability to tell viewers where every player was born gets more than a little annoying at times.
The last check of the weather: Do we really need the meteorologists to remind us what the weather is going to be like tomorrow at the end of newscasts, five minutes after they give their weather report? I know attention spans are short these days, but that's ridiculous.
Maybe David can deal with that when he gets around to writing another “Curb” episode.
TV traffic reports: If I'm watching TV, I'm not in traffic. And there isn't much traffic around here at 6:30 a.m. anyway. That's part of the reason “This Is Home” for so many of us. We love the civilized nature of commuting here.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for reading.