Dear Abby: My partner and I have been together 23 years and his parents have embraced me as one of their own. A few years ago, we bought his mother a beautiful diamond cocktail ring for Mother’s Day. She’s now 84, and when she passes on, I’d like that ring back to have it turned into a ring for my partner. It’s a gesture I’m sure would please him, and I hope his mother as well. I believe she’s leaving her jewelry to her granddaughter, which is fine. But this particular ring will mean so much if I turn it into a ring for her son.
Would it be tacky for me to request this of Mom if I tell her why? I don’t want to offend anyone, and I know the person who inherits her jewelry will probably pawn or sell it anyway. (I’d also like to keep it on the down low so my partner doesn’t find out until the ring is given to him.) What do you think, Abby?
– Phil In Pennsylvania
Dear Phil: I think what you have in mind is beautiful, and I can’t imagine why your partner’s mother would object if you raise the subject. Estate planning is a fact of life. However, if she doesn’t wish to change her will, and you think the granddaughter is likely to pawn the ring anyway, you could offer to buy it from the granddaughter when the time comes.
Men at bridal shower
Dear Abby: Is it proper to invite men to a bridal shower?
– Curious Guy In Minnesota
Dear Curious Guy: According to Emily Post: “Today, showers are just as likely to include the groom and his male friends.” There’s nothing improper about asking men to participate. The purpose of a shower for a bridal couple (or the expected arrival of a baby) is to celebrate the upcoming event and express good wishes. It’s also a way to give the couple things they’ll need.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.