Dear Abby: I’m a 60-year-old woman with grown children. My husband and I divorced after 30 years of marriage because he met someone at work.
Two years ago I met a very nice man who treats me with respect and love. He wants a future for us, and so do I, but I can’t get over one thing: He has two illegitimate children – one he didn’t even know about – and although the son is an adult, he is still paying back support. I hate to sound like a snob, but this situation isn’t OK with me. I’m afraid I will always bring it up when I am angry. I’m thinking maybe if we wait until the support obligation has ended I might feel different, but who knows? I’d appreciate some advice.
Can’t Get Over It In Georgia
Dear Can’t Get Over It: I know very few people over 35 who don’t carry some kind of baggage from past experiences. You don’t have to approve of everything in his suitcase, but if you plan on having a long-term relationship with this “very nice man,” you will have to accept that he is fulfilling his legal obligation. Dragging the past into the present during an argument is an unhealthy expression of anger. Until you can find a more constructive way to work out disagreements, you shouldn’t marry anyone.
Looking for love
Dear Abby: My husband and I are in our 30s and have been married 15 years. Over the past year we have been intimate only about once every three months. After some discussions, it turns out he’s having erectile dysfunction problems. I was relieved to know it wasn’t lack of interest, but now I’m even more confused by his unwillingness to see a doctor. Any advice will truly be appreciated.
– Needs Lovin’ In California
Dear Needs Lovin’: You have done everything you can do. Your husband may be embarrassed or afraid, which is why he’s avoiding going to a doctor. Be supportive, but you need to ask him what he plans to do about this – if anything – because the absence of physical affection is unfair to you.