Dear Abby: I have a relative who is very ill. She’s not expected to survive. She has a 1-year-old daughter, “Whitney,” and a husband who isn’t particularly interested in parenting once his wife is gone. My husband and I have a 3-year-old, and my husband would like to have more children. I love this relative and the little girl, but I’m not interested in raising another child.
My husband feels we have the love and resources to provide Whitney with a good life. I respect the fact that he feels this way, but I work full time. I am in my mid-40s and already feel overwhelmed being the parent of one child. Although we will be fine financially, our lifestyle would be greatly impaired.
My husband says I’m selfish for not wanting to share my good fortune. I feel that if I’m talked into taking her, I’ll be unhappy and resentful. Please advise.
– Only Wants One
Dear Only Wants One: Children need love and attention from the adults who parent them. While your husband has that to offer Whitney, you do not. Because you would be resentful if your husband talks you into adopting her, it would be better for you AND Whitney if someone who really wants a child, and is capable of providing the love and support a child needs, took her.
A senior on the go
Dear Abby: I am retired from teaching high school biology after 39 years.
Since my retirement, I can no longer do the thing I loved best: teach biology. However, I am keeping my commitment to staying young.
Last summer I bicycled 500 miles across Kansas. I do nine hours of dance exercise and aerobics a week, paint with oils and am starting to relearn the guitar.
Many younger people can’t do what I do. Some of them tell me I should “act my age” and “learn to be old.” What are your thoughts on this?
– Living Well in Wichita
Dear Living Well: As long as you are living a full life and enjoying what you’re doing, you should ignore those “helpful” individuals who tell you to “act your age” and “learn to be old.”