Dear Abby: My boyfriend, “Doug” (24), and I (22) have been in a long-distance relationship for a year, but we were friends for a couple of years before that. I had never had a serious relationship before and lacked experience. Doug has not only been in two other long-term relationships, but has had sex with more than 15 women. One of them is an amateur porn actress.
I knew about this, but it didn’t bother me until recently. Doug had a party, and while he was drunk he told one of his buddies – in front of me – that he should watch a certain porn film starring his ex-girlfriend. It made me feel awkward. The next day he apologized.
Of course, having learned her name, I couldn’t help myself from searching for her on the Internet. Now I can’t stop comparing myself to her, and I feel intimidated and frustrated.
I have been struggling with how to get over it. Doug has told me many times that he loves me and I believe him. But those stupid, drunken comments really knocked me down. How do I get over my boyfriend’s past?
– Eclipsed By a “Star” in New York
Dear Eclipsed: A giant step in the right direction would be to quit comparing yourself to a porn actress. In his addled condition, your immature boyfriend couldn’t resist bragging to his buddies because he thought it would impress them with his prowess. If he had serious feelings about her, he would still be with her, not in a relationship with you.
That said, it would be in your best interest to find out if this woman really was a “girlfriend” or one of his one-night stands. If he is in a long-distance relationship with you and tends to be promiscuous, you should be more concerned about his judgment than how to get over his past.
Are marrieds that unhappy?
Dear Abby: The other day at work, my girlfriend overheard a group of people in the break room talking about what they’d do first if they won the lottery. Without exception, everyone in that room said the first thing they would do is get a divorce. My girlfriend was stunned. Have you ever done an informal reader survey on this subject? Is the state of marriage in America really that bad? I’m also curious if answers would differ along gender lines. Let me know what you think, and thanks.
– Happily Single But Still a Believer in Marriage
Dear Happily Single: No, I have not done a reader survey on this subject. But I’m glad you asked, because I think what your girlfriend heard is a sad commentary on the state of the marriages of her co-workers. Readers, if you’d care to chime in on this, I’m sure it would be enlightening.
Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.