Dear Abby: I just found out that my girlfriend of nearly four years had an abortion when she was in high school.
I overheard her during a conversation she was having with someone. I later asked her what was implied when the name of her ex-boyfriend from high school was brought up. She proceeded to tell me what had happened and then said, “I never told you that?”
Obviously, she never mentioned it to me because I certainly would have remembered something of that magnitude.
My reaction is feelings of disgust, betrayal and of having been lied to. Am I overreacting or are my feelings warranted?
– Feels Betrayed in Connecticut
Dear Feels Betrayed: That depends upon whether you ever had a conversation with your girlfriend about her sexual history during which you were supposed to tell each other “everything.” If so, then the omission was deliberate. If not, she was under no obligation to reveal that she had terminated a pregnancy during high school.
Abortion is a deeply personal and often complex decision for women. Ultimately, I am told, most women feel a sense of relief after an abortion. However, many do not feel that it is something to celebrate and may not be comfortable sharing that they have had one.
Gift comes with questions
Dear Abby: My husband gives me gift cards for my birthday and special occasions, but with it comes, “I want to know everything you buy!” I tell him it’s a gift and I shouldn’t HAVE to tell him what I use it for. If I do tell him what I bought, he invariably says, “Did you really need that?”
It ruins the whole thing for me when I must reveal what I bought with the card. So who’s right – he or I?
– Reluctant Recipient in Alaska
Dear Reluctant Recipient: You are, for the reason you stated.
The object of a gift is to bring pleasure, and there are few comments your husband could make that would put a bigger damper on your purchase than, “Do you really need that?” The next time he asks what you bought, tell him, “None of your beeswax!”
Always a lovely gesture
Dear Abby: A question was recently raised at a family gathering. If the patriarch of a family is deceased and a man wants to marry his daughter, should he ask permission from her mother?
– Curious in Pennsylvania
Dear Curious: It would be a lovely, respectful gesture if he did. But first he should be 100 percent certain that the daughter would like to marry him.
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