Dear Abby: While searching for two of my husband’s childhood friends, with his knowledge, I believe I may have found a child he doesn’t know is his. I’m not positive that the child is his, but the time frame and location indicate that he could be, and there’s a strong resemblance to my husband’s brother. (I have seen photos on the Internet.)
I am curious whether my hunch is correct, but I’m afraid of asking the questions, not knowing how they would be received. My husband is a kind and caring person, a great husband and father. The child could have been conceived during a casual, one-night stand before we started dating.
I now wish I had never found this information because by not saying anything to him, I feel like a terrible person. If the child is his, the mother has kept this from him for more than 10 years. What’s the right thing to do?
– Wondering in the Southwest
Dear Wondering: I see nothing to be gained by withholding this from your spouse. Tell your husband about your research, and what you think you may have turned up. Then ask if he is acquainted with the child’s mother. The resemblance could be coincidental, or the child could have been fathered by another family member.
Out of order
Dear Abby: One of my fond memories of my father when I was growing up was that he would always order my mom’s meal when we were out for dinner. She decided what she wanted to eat, but when the waiter came, my dad would say, “My wife would like the....” Now that I’m older and married, my husband does the same for me. One couple we dine out with regularly gives me a difficult time about this “tradition.” Do you think I’m living in the Stone Age?
– Susan in Virginia
Dear Susan: No, I do not; you appear to be living quite happily in the present. Please allow me to make an observation: From my perspective, you might enjoy your evenings out more if you shared them with this particular couple less often.