Dear Abby: I have been separated for three years and am now going through a divorce. I have started a new relationship, and, for the first time, I know what being in love feels like.
“Mason” is a remarkable man with many great qualities. However, when we go to my friends’ parties, they often make comments and belittle him because he didn’t graduate from college. Mason is a security guard. It doesn’t bother me, but I feel bad when people ask him why he didn’t become a police officer “instead.”
My friends are all professionals who married other professionals. They don’t realize that they can sometimes be snobs. I don’t know how to approach this subject without getting into an awkward confrontation. Mason’s feelings were hurt before by a prior girlfriend whose family and friends thought he was a loser because he’s a security guard.
I love him and want this to work. Why do I let other people’s comments affect me? And how can I approach them about this matter?
– Unhappy In New York
Dear Unhappy: You may be affected because your friends are unable to see the wonderful qualities in Mason that you do. Please understand that they may feel they are trying to look out for your best interests after what has to be a traumatic disappointment – the long, depressing slog through your divorce.
If your friends persist in making comments to Mason about his job, you should ask them to please stop because they are making BOTH of you uncomfortable.
However, I would be remiss if I didn’t caution you: After someone has experienced a divorce, it is not unusual to experience a rush of adrenaline – a kind of “high” – during the next relationship. While it seems idyllic, the problem is that it usually doesn’t last, which is why rebound relationships often don’t work out. This is not to imply that there is anything wrong with Mason, only that you would be wise to take your time before rushing into another marriage.
Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.