Dear Abby: My boyfriend “Alex’s” mom is the most controlling person I have ever encountered. We only get to see each other on weekends because he lives an hour away from me. When we do see each other, it’s for one-third of the day. Alex has to spend the other two-thirds with her. I’m 22 and he is 21.
He is also not allowed to stay with me. Alex has to lie to her about where he’s staying in order to be able to spend time with me. His mom has added a feature to his cellphone in order to see where he is 24/7, and would cancel his service if he refused it.
I love my boyfriend unconditionally, but his mom is driving us both crazy and turning our relationship into a trio. We have tried getting her to back off, but it just makes her worse. I am at a loss as to what to do. What do you think we should do?
– Extremely Worried in Mississippi
Dear Extremely Worried: Frankly, you should be worried. Your boyfriend is an adult who seems to be firmly under his mother’s thumb. He is completely dependent. At 21, Alex’s activities should not be monitored, nor should he be spending two-thirds of his day with his mother. If nothing else, he should be looking for a job so he can sever the umbilical cord before it strangles him. You can’t fix this. HE has to do it.
No looking back
Dear Abby: My husband and I have been married for six years. Before I met him, I was with a woman. I don’t want my husband to find out about it because I’m afraid it will turn him on and he’ll want to have threesomes. (He enjoys looking at lesbian porn.)
Should I feel this way about telling him?
– Wants My Past in the Past
Dear Wants Your Past in the Past: If you think there is a chance that your husband will find out, then the person he should hear it from is you. And if he suggests having a threesome, tell him that you are happy as things are and you prefer to remain monogamous.