Dear Abby: My niece is engaged to a really nice guy who is obviously gay and in denial because of his religion. My brother and his wife ignore it because, according to them, being gay is a “sin.”

This couple has been out of high school for two years. They are also both virgins, which is unusual. I had a gathering at my home, and some gay friends attended. They noticed that he was gay and mentioned it to me. Should I just stand by and keep my mouth shut?

– Unsure in New Jersey

Dear Unsure: Yes, you should. Unless you are 100 percent sure the man is, in fact, gay, you should keep your feelings to yourself. Your niece’s fiance may be an effeminate straight man. And your gay friends’ “gaydar” may have given them a false reading at your gathering.

Avoid a love match

Dear Abby: I have developed a horrible crush on my kids’ tennis instructor. I am very happily married and would never, ever cheat on my husband, but this man makes my heart race.

My kids and I spend a fair amount of time with him, and I’m afraid it’s starting to show. By the way, I’m pretty sure my feelings are reciprocated. What to do?

– Crushing Mom in the South

Dear Crushing Mom: It’s not a question of what you should do, but rather what you should NOT do. Do not act on your feelings, do not spend time alone with him and do not tell anyone about it.

Enjoy feeling like you are 16, and take your kids home after their lesson. In time, the feeling will fade – particularly if they develop an interest in another sport.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.