Q: After several months of smiling and saying hello with a man in his workplace where I am a client, I decided the next time I was in there that I would introduce myself. The other day, I did just that. We chatted and it was nice to meet him, and I thought he looked even better close up!
Toward the end of the conversation, he offered me his business card, and I didn’t even think to reciprocate. I’m not one for the rules, although I am old school in thinking men should pursue, but I also don’t stick around for nonsense.
Does offering a card, as opposed to asking for my number, mean he’s not interested? Or was it because he was at work and wanted to seem professional?
– L.L., Kenmore
A: Because you approached him in a friendly manner, as opposed to blatantly flirting with him, he was probably a bit unsure whether your introduction was simply polite, or motivated by something deeper.
The fact that he handed you his business card implies that he would like for you to contact him. It is now perfectly acceptable for a woman to ask a man out, or make the first contact. In fact, there are many men who appreciate this quality in a woman.
The great thing about business cards is that they usually include an email address. If you want to contact him casually, send him an email saying that it was nice to finally meet, that you had been wanting to introduce yourself for a while, and then wish him a good week. Then the ball is in his court. If nothing comes of it, at least you will have tried.
What’s going on?
Q: I have been seeing a man for more than a year, and I’jm starting to realize that his behavior is quite odd. I’m worried he may be seeing other people. I have not confronted him about it yet, but here are some examples of his strange behavior: 1) I’ve never met his family or friends; 2) He seldom calls, and sends email or texts me when he wants me to come over to his house; 3) Saturday nights are off limits, except once or twice in a year (he sees me mostly on weekdays or Sundays); 4) I found traces of some female guests such as wine glasses with lipstick smear, partially lit candles around the house, and face wipes with traces of makeup. Is he cheating on me?
– R.W., Williamsville
A: Based on the information you’ve given, it sounds like your instincts are correct. This kind of behavior is not common for a faithful man in a committed, loving relationship.
Someone who refuses to introduce you to his family and friends is usually hiding something. This can be anything from a pre-existing partner to lies about his personal life. Since he won’t see you on the weekends – Saturday, specifically, is considered a date night – he may be leaving it open for others. This is not a sure sign that he’s cheating, but it is definitely odd.
You need to have a talk with him right away. You’ve been letting him get away with his behavior for over a year, and that shows him that what he’s doing is acceptable.
Patti Novak owns Buffalo Niagara Introductions (www.buffaloniagaraintro.com). Email questions to firstname.lastname@example.org and include your initials and hometown.