Dear Abby: I had been single a long time when I married a wonderful man, "Edgar," who had custody of his two children. After we had dated awhile, he told me about his vasectomy. He said he and his wife had agreed not to have any more children. As our relationship progressed, Edgar told me he would have the vasectomy reversed if I wanted to have children - which I said I definitely did. After two years of marriage, I finally brought up the subject.
Edgar then informed me he didn't want to reverse the operation. He said he couldn't handle having another child. Abby, I am crushed. I thought Edgar loved me enough to give me children out of our union and love. I love his children and wouldn't favor our children over his.
I would never consider leaving Edgar over this, but I don't know if I can ever forgive him for deceiving me and leading me on. My husband has denied me the children he knew I so desperately wanted.
Abby, I urge couples who may find themselves in a similar situation to be honest with each other before they marry.
- Childless and Heartbroken
Dear Childless and Heartbroken: Many churches - and some states - now encourage couples who are considering marriage to go through prenuptial counseling to ensure compatibility. I'm all for it. If both parties are honest with each other, it could prevent a world of heartache down the line.
You have my condolences for the children you and Edgar will never have together. While you would never leave him, his dishonesty is grounds for an annulment of the marriage.
Stand your ground
Dear Abby: My longtime friend "Mona," a busy professional and social butterfly, had a baby last year. Her son is now a toddler. Aside from his regular day care, Mona is lining up baby sitters so she can resume her social life.
She has asked me to volunteer. I do not relate well to young children. I have had no experience with them and, quite frankly, want none.
Mona has always known this, but when I told her I didn't think it would work out for me to baby-sit, she took offense and accused me of being a bad friend.
Now I feel guilty because Mona has always been good to me. However, I'm more than a little resentful that she put me in this position, knowing how I feel about kids.
How should I handle this?
- Not Keen On Kids
Dear Not Keen On Kids: True friends don't impose on their friends for baby-sitting services when they've been told it would be awkward. Stand your ground and don't allow yourself to be manipulated. You shouldn't feel guilty about your feelings. Many people feel the same way.