You may have heard that I move plants like other women move furniture.
OK, so it's true.
Before you go shaking your head, consider this: Which weighs more - a mound of thyme or an upright piano?
See? Not such a bad pastime after all, is it?
I have moved the herb bed twice this year. The first time was because it was getting too much shade. Then the drought hit and it was getting too much sun. Plus, the relocation just didn't feel right. The herb garden's feng shui was off. I wasn't the only one who thought so. The flat leaf parsley had begun to curl.
So I moved all the herbs again. They did well, except for the basil, which drooped and moped until I casually reminded it of what happened to the uncooperative dill. (Cut to the ground!) The basil perked up in no time.
The herbs do not mind all the moving. They seem to have a sixth sense that a crazy woman is in charge.
Recently, I decided to move things around in the flower bed. It was either that or move the armoire to where the dresser was and move the dresser to where the armoire was. Thinning phlox seemed easier.
The flower bed was overgrown with tall plants interloping into short plant territory. There were plants that had promised to bloom and never delivered.
I was tired of waiting. It was a tough love approach. If it looked dry, brown and in the wrong spot, I got in there and yanked it out.
I have never been to anger management school and perhaps this is why. I release my frustrations with a small shovel. I'm not saying my gardening was intense, but even spiders were on the run.
Today, I plan to move four small shrubs to four deep holes that have yet to be dug on the opposite side of the yard.
When I say "I hope to move," I am being less than honest. The "I" is actually a "we." I have enlisted help from the husband for the digging and lifting. So maybe I'm strictly supervisory personnel on this one.
He has agreed to help and says he is committed to the project. I tell him that his commitment to helping me ensures my commitment to making him a butterscotch pie.
He has been repeating that he is committed to the project since early morning, and yet he is still in the kitchen watching cable news on mute, reading the paper, messing around on his laptop and drinking coffee.
Some women might be discouraged by this. Some small-time gardeners with big-time dreams might even give up plans to move four shrubs to a sunnier spot.
This situation is easily addressed. I stand in the doorway of the kitchen, gaze into the family room, and say, "You know, I've been thinking maybe we should move the furniture and bookcases out and rip up the carpeting. There are nice hardwoods under that rug. The piano could look good in there, too."
Just like that, the man is outside.
Lori Borgman is a columnist, author and speaker. Contact her at email@example.com