Q: I am 46 and have only been with my boyfriend for three or four months. We were having a great time and enjoying the honeymoon stage, with loads of flirty texts/romance/great sex. However, about three weeks ago he did drugs at a music festival, and since then he has completely lost his libido. He says he has no sexual interest in anyone. He says it is not me and he wants me to stick with him, but I feel rejected.
We get along like a house on fire, have loads in common and are great friends, but I still want him physically and I want him to want me too! Should I hang around, or do you think this is the beginning of the end?
- V.A., Buffalo
A: I'm no drug expert, but I'm fairly certain that one-time use of pretty much anything would not extinguish a person's libido for more than a few days. Either he's not telling you the truth of his drug use or he's using it as an excuse to pull away from you physically.
His explanation seems odd and since you're not specific about the drug he says he took, I think it would be wise of you to talk to a medical professional about various drugs and their effect on libido. The more you can educate yourself on the subject, the more equipped you'll be to have another discussion about it with your boyfriend.I'm not saying this is the beginning of the end, but a relationship without sex can ultimately lead to resentment, and the rejection you're feeling already after a few weeks will only intensify over time. Deal with this problem directly, and as soon as possible.
Q: I don't have any friends. I work with few people. I am 59 years old and I don't know how or where to meet people my age. In my apartment, there are all young students. I was married for 40 years and I have no self-esteem, probably because my ex-husband cheated on me the whole time we were together. I feel that I'm just an old hag now and I won't be able to find someone my age.
- F.F., Kenmore
A: Fifty-nine is not old at all. Does it get harder to meet someone at this age? Of course, but it's definitely possible. But before you get back into dating, you need to work on your self-esteem. In order to find love again, you have to have self-worth, self-respect and self-love. It sounds like a cliché, but it is true.
The best way to begin the process of getting your self-esteem back is to revamp your appearance. Maybe you should try a new hairstyle or update your wardrobe. Giving yourself that little physical boost will jump-start your confidence. When you feel good about yourself, it projects out to the world.
Next, make some friends. If you have hobbies or interests, check out a meet-up type of group online. If that's not your thing, go out and volunteer in a group activity. Doing something positive with your free time will not only enable you to meet new people, it will add to your confidence. And remember, every new friend you make has friends who have friends and so forth. You're bound to meet a few single men along the way!
Patti Novak owns Buffalo Niagara Introductions (www.buffaloniagaraintro.com). Email questions to firstname.lastname@example.org and include your initials and hometown.