Miss Manners: How to dress to impress, sans stress
Dear Miss Manners: When I was visiting friends, I perused my hotel’s list of recommended dining establishments. Each restaurant listed their dress code and, to my consternation, I found each of the following variations:
Elegant Dressy Coat Preferred Coat Suggested Casual Elegance Dressy Casual Smart Casual Casual
The last is self-explanatory, but, as a lady concerned with her appearance, if I were to adhere rigorously to the other codes, what in heaven’s name would I wear for each one that would be appropriate, but yet would not enter into the pitiable state of looking over or under-dressed? What would I ask my beau to wear?
Gentle Reader: Wait—are you allowing the word “casual” to pass? Miss Manners loathes it.
She assures you that your confidence that plain “casual” is self-explanatory is misplaced. To some it means blue blazers, to others, gym clothes or few clothes.
Accordingly, Miss Manners is in sympathy with establishments and private hosts who try to do things nicely, only to have clients or guests who refuse to make the smallest effort of their own. But the proliferation of improvised terms to replace the standard “formal” and “informal” keeps getting sillier.
“Casual elegance”? “Dressy casual”? Oh, please.
You should wear a suit or a dress and ask your beau to wear a suit. Not because any of these instructions make sense, which they do not, but because you would look nice for the ceremony of going out to dinner.
Cutting down on chatter
Dear Miss Manners: I have a regular cleaning woman who seems to consider her time in my home to be a social visit. She continues a steady stream of conversation in my direction the entire time she is working. Is there a polite way to discourage this verbal barrage?
Gentle Reader: It is possible that your cleaning lady is starved for conversation, but Miss Manners would not be surprised to hear that she is wondering how to go about her work politely when you seem to be at loose ends, just reading the newspaper. You could be doing both of you a favor by saying firmly, “Well, nice chatting with you. I suppose you want to get to work, and I’m going to concentrate on the newspaper.”
Readers may write to Miss Manners at MissManners@unitedmedia.com , or via postal mail at United Media, 200 Madison Ave., 4th Floor, New York, NY 10016.
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