Finding the perfect nanny, and avoiding those who aren't
The 18-year-old honor student hired last year to care for Karen Liberatore’s two sons looked good on paper. “I had put an ad on Craig’s list and she responded immediately,” recalled Liberatore. “She was on student council. She tutored low-income children. It was like she fell from the sky.”
By summer 2008, about one year after the hire, the star nanny was losing her shine. Liberatore’s designer shoes started to disappear, too, along with food from her refrigerator and her son’s iPod. The boys — ages 11 and 13 — were complaining of a nanny who was never on time, arriving later and later to pick them up from school.
From honor student to prescription-drug addict, the nanny that had looked so good became a nightmare for Liberatore, her husband and their family.
Many working parents throughout the area are discovering the hard way that hiring a qualified child-care provider is much like entering any other business transaction. Research is essential; an employment contract critical. Multiple references provided as a condition to employment should be verified in person, not by phone or e-mail. Equally important after the hire are periodic performance reviews.
In this day of double-income families, finding the right person to watch your children and household is essential. The following stories — offered by families to help others — illustrate both the pitfalls and proud moments in the nanny hiring process.
Peace of mind
Jill and Kyle Williams, each 25, have two children under age 2. The defensive tackle for the Buffalo Bills and his wife spend half the year in their hometown of Baton Rouge, La., but during football season in Orchard Park a nanny helps care for Kate and Anna Claire.
The Williamses are one of a handful of Buffalo Bills families who have chosen Sitters on Standby as their child-care service. The faith-based agency headquartered in Orchard Park has given Jill and Kyle peace of mind. “Not everyone wants to care for a newborn,” said Jill, “but Lindsey fit in right away. She automatically knew how to care for an infant and a toddler. I trust her completely. We share the same morals, the same values.”
Lindsey Bishop, 25, is a certified nursing assistant who has been a nanny for six years. Married for three years, Bishop started working earlier this year for Sitters on Standby.
“You just need to love kids,” said Bishop. “The Williamses know I will love their kids, and take care of them. Knowing their children are safe puts parents at ease.”
Ending the nightmare
Karen Liberatore treated the young nanny like family. Monday through Friday, the college freshman would pick the boys up from school at 2:30 p.m. and bring them home, helping with homework until Liberatore or her husband returned around 6.
“In the summer, it was essentially supervision,” Liberatore described. “Get them lunch and keep tabs on them. I paid $10 an hour, and extra for gas.”
And so it continued from September 2007 to May 2008, a busy time for the family, who moved from North Buffalo to Williamsville.
“I found I was missing shoes, food and the iPod,” Liberatore said, chalking much of it up to the household shuffle. “But one day, I’m leaving for work and I went to grab my Tiffany bracelet. It wasn’t in my jewelry box. I went through the other drawers and all my rings were gone, five were missing, each about a $200 value. I said: ‘Uh-oh.’ ”
“I still didn’t think it was her,” Liberatore continued. “I figured we were the house that all the kids hung out at, but what would 12-year-olds want with my jewelry?”
The Liberatores now say that before firing the nanny they learned she was addicted to Oxycontin, a prescription painkiller. After talking with the nanny’s parents, the Liberatores filed a police report but never pressed charges.
“She was a real go-getter, working at [another job] in the early morning, and taking a nap before coming to work at my house,” Liberatore said. “She was working hard to support her drug habit. She was oversleeping.”
Some of the jewelry eventually surfaced in a pawnshop, and the iPod and shoes were also recovered, but Liberatore wants to make sure other parents learn from her situation.
“Pay attention to the signs, and listen to your children,” she said. “I’m constantly asking my children how things are now. I found a new sitter [on www.sittercity.com ], who said she was willing to be drug tested. I’ve had no contact with the old baby sitter, but I think I am more disappointed in her parents. Can you imagine if my children were younger?”
Call the parent
Another woman, who did not want to be identified, found her nanny in an East Aurora weekly publication under a heading that read: “Experienced Nanny.”
“I checked out her references and a recommendation from a neighbor,” said the wife and mother of three. “She came with glowing references. I really liked her.”
Duties for the nanny included picking up the 4-year-old from preschool at 12:30 p.m. and watching her and 8-year-old brother and 6-year-old sister until 5:30, when their parents returned from work.
The mother, who had just started a full-time job, first noticed a change in her youngest child, the one who spent the most time with the nanny. The preschooler was crying too much and seemed to dread the woman who was her daytime caretaker. The older children, meanwhile, began to describe their new nanny as an argumentative woman who made faces at them.
Five weeks after she was hired, the nanny was fired. It was only then that three family friends came forward, describing disturbing behavior from the nanny and the 4-year-old at the local park.
“My youngest was at the top of the slide and the nanny told her to get down, and that if she didn’t get down now, she would be left alone,” the mother said. “Then the nanny turned to leave. My daughter was terrified.
“Except for one good friend, no one had called me. If I had known this in advance, it would not have been five weeks. I don’t fault my friends, but if you ever suspect anything with a child, spare your feelings and call the parent.
“Pick up clues your kids are giving you no matter what their ages,” she added. “If you are a friend or acquaintance and suspect something is not right, say something. And go with a [child-care] service. I went with www.care.com .”
Tips for finding a child-care provider
Cheryl O’Brien employs about 150 nannies in Sitters on Standby, her Orchard Park child-care service. A two-hour screening interview initiates prospective employees, who are provided information on dress code, policies and procedures.
O’Brien, a grandmother of four, offers these tips for parents looking for a nanny:
• Reference checking — “Extremely important,” O’Brien said. “Speak to the referring parties rather than getting written statements, and seek at least three references. Make sure the references are not from family members.”
• Conduct a thorough interview — Make sure there are no unexplained gaps in the nanny’s work history. When you interview, the prospective nanny should come with a portfolio in hand. Ask spontaneous interview questions. Did they ever lose their cool in a child-care situation? How did they handle that? Ask about disciplinary methods, and get their feedback before you give them yours. Put them on the spot. Ask them to play out a situation.
• Have a written contract — “Put everything in writing,” O’Brien cautioned.
• Set boundaries, defining specifically what is allowed and what will not be tolerated. Gross misconduct — for example, leaving the kids alone — results in immediate termination. Stealing? You need proof. Can she use her cell phone? Can she watch TV? Can she use her laptop after the children are in bed because she’s working on a term paper? Tell her what you expect, in writing.
• Conduct periodic reviews.
• Document everything including job performance and injuries suffered by either child or nanny. Keeping a daily log is not only helpful for the nanny, but for yourself.
• Initiate a trial period to determine if the nanny works well with your family. “It’s kind of like going on a date,” O’Brien said. “See if you are compatible.”
• Spot checks — Critical at first. Drop in at home unannounced, or ask someone else to. After a 12-week period, you should know if your nanny is a good fit.
• Be a caring employer. “Give her the appreciation she needs, and some down time,” O’Brien said. “She needs to feel good about her job.”
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