MY VIEW
David Sampson: Surrogate fathers always there for me
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There is a song by Mike Rutherford from Mike and the Mechanics, a founding member of the iconic group Genesis, titled, “In the Living Years.” And although the lyrics portray the rift that can open between father and son and repeat from one generation to the next, the song always reminds me of my father, whom I lost to a heart attack in 1963 when I was 10 years old.
In their own unique way, these lyrics bring home to me not only what I lost when my dad passed away at age 47, but what I have gained in my living years since his death.
From a point in time that I cannot exactly recall, I made a promise to myself that because I grew up without a father, when I became
one I would do my best to be a good dad to my children. I like to believe that I have succeeded more than I have failed.
In my living years, and due in no small way to my father’s absence, I have been blessed with the presence of many men who, without hesitation, played a pivotal role as surrogate fathers. In many instances, they were unaware of their importance.
I like to think that these men who stepped in at various points in my life did so because they knew and respected my dad. Some, on the other hand, never even met my father.
I am grateful to my only and older brother who, despite his struggles to deal with losing his father at 15, was there for me as I navigated adolescence and the teenage years.
I recall how our neighbor, who we called “Uncle Tib,” was there to take me to father-son communion breakfasts whenever I asked.
My Uncle Andy, a “man’s man,” helped me find summer jobs when I was home from college and always passed me a few bucks when I was heading out with my friends on a Friday night. I will always admire his stoic 14-year fight against cancer while holding down two jobs, one as a grain scooper on the waterfront.
I have been blessed with many friends during my living years who have been my counselors, confidants and among my greatest cheerleaders. They are fine husbands and fathers, too. I like who I am when I am with them, and they seem to see the better part of me.
I have been lucky to have a father- in-law who who has accepted and respected me as his daughter’s husband. I try to pay him tribute by being a good father and hopefully someday as a father-in-law as well.
I qualify to celebrate Father’s Day because I am blessed with three adult children. Although they never met their paternal grandfather, I am sure he would be proud of them.
I recall Harry Chapin’s song, “Cat’s in the Cradle.” The lyrics remind all fathers that the most valuable gift you can give your son or daughter is your time.
So even though I did not have much time with my dad, I like to think that I’ve grown up to be just like him and that he would have cherished all these Father’s Days as much as I have in these living years.
Published: June 20, 2009, 12:30 am